tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post191068424810170619..comments2024-03-14T11:50:14.761-04:00Comments on DarwinCatholic: Should We Teach Our Girls Not To Be Nice?Darwinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08572976822786862149noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-88601173912075595142013-08-15T12:12:57.938-04:002013-08-15T12:12:57.938-04:00Again, though, Mother here is making a false equiv...Again, though, Mother here is making a false equivalence. Nice does not equal polite, nor does polite equal nice. I know plenty of nice people who are not really polite, and several polite people who are not really nice. I'd far rather be around the latter than the former. Politeness is simply the art of acceptable social behavior, the oil on the wheels of interaction. <br /><br />Also, the young lady might find to her dismay one day that although she may not have the time for those who don't interest her, that one day someone she would like to know better may have witnessed her own self-absorption and may decline to be interested in her on that account.mrsdarwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03446744635277205867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-12248766654002120882013-08-15T12:01:02.047-04:002013-08-15T12:01:02.047-04:00It seems this might be an overextension of the ide...It seems this might be an overextension of the idea expressed in "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker, to the effect that we shouldn't pressure our kids to "give Grandma a kiss!" even when they are clearly uncomfortable with the interaction. We can ask kids to be polite (and by the way, wouldn't polite in a "please help me with my rainboots" way extend to a polite wrapping on the "whatever" response to strangers?) without asking them to put up with unwelcome physical interaction. Maybe the problem is that she extends "unwelcome = rude or threatening" to "unwelcome = I didn't invite it" and extends "my space, in which I am entitled to be safe, and which I am entitled not to have invaded" to some sort of aural, visual "did you just talk to me? Do I know you??" sort of space?<br /><br />I think the author may catch herself about to mouth an oversimplified "Be nice" instead of actually talking to her daughter about *how* to be polite in a "whatever" situation, and *how* to assertively but politely deal with rudeness, so she opts for the easy course: just don't say the oversimplified, but don't replace it with anything. And then pats herself on the back for doing the first half of the right thing? As though half of a well-built bridge will get you over a canyon....mandamumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-24704615564275858552013-08-15T10:38:21.691-04:002013-08-15T10:38:21.691-04:00"Her son is apparently to be trusted to know ..."Her son is apparently to be trusted to know when to be accommodating and when not to be. Why not her daughter? "<br /><br />Well her son has the patriarchy going for him. Eyeroll.<br /><br />I wonder how much thought has gone into this philosophy. I would expect that every parent worries about raising polite and gracious children who are not doormats. Maybe not.<br /><br />I have a cousin who subscribes to this philosophy for herself. You have to earn her smile! She does not owe it to you! You will be shocked to learn she is still single in her mid-30s.Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12507330852895229468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-60518961746886066912013-08-14T17:51:36.589-04:002013-08-14T17:51:36.589-04:00It seems to me that the strong likelihood is not s...It seems to me that the strong likelihood is not so much that this young lady will have to worry about being "protected by the father types" vs "preyed on by the dangerous types", but that her rudeness and basic lack of social skills will pretty much alienate everyone. Giving your child a free pass to be surly because she's just a girl has nothing to do with instilling strength in your daughter, because surliness doesn't actually have anything to do with strength. This is surely one of the sillier deliberate parenting tactics I've run across. <br />MrsDarwinhttp://darwincatholic.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-14406292744830556382013-08-14T16:53:23.389-04:002013-08-14T16:53:23.389-04:00Anti-patriarchy silliness simply descends into law...Anti-patriarchy silliness simply descends into lawlessness. Instead of being loved and protected by the father types- you know, the 'lame' ones- she'll be preyed upon be the dangerous types. And the 'preying' may well be mutual.Augusthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08758314961163692341noreply@blogger.com