tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post2649395954993981587..comments2024-03-28T17:53:43.541-04:00Comments on DarwinCatholic: Oldest Sibling to ParentDarwinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08572976822786862149noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-61166232648390582262013-02-04T11:49:56.337-05:002013-02-04T11:49:56.337-05:00I'm the oldest but apparently my siblings are ...I'm the oldest but apparently my siblings are close enough in age to me that it didn't really translate into knowing how to take care of a baby or really parent one either. Thank goodness for all of my friends who had kids in the couple of years before I did. The one thing that I see that works differently between me and my husband (who was the youngest and in many ways a functionally only child) is that it came more naturally to me to consider everyone's needs as at least as important as my own. Even now with #3 just a couple of months away, it is still a bit weird to fully try to understand that I am to my kids what my mom was to me.kharkingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-9498667313175183602013-02-03T16:12:07.350-05:002013-02-03T16:12:07.350-05:00Sarah, the twin: "Just 6 weeks post-partum, ...Sarah, the twin: "Just 6 weeks post-partum, I was wanting to give the little guy a sibling... I apparently have no concept of spacing because my sister and I were born minutes apart, haha." <br /><br />That is an absolutely fascinating bit of perspective. At 6 weeks postpartum, I am usually still saying "I am never doing that again" (It goes away eventually, but not that fast.)bearinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07953735060133330755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-27652561219169331272013-02-02T19:41:29.404-05:002013-02-02T19:41:29.404-05:00This is fascinating to me because technically my t...This is fascinating to me because technically my twin sister and I were the "oldest" together. "Firstborns". In reading this, I can see how being part of a twin pair drastically changes the experience of being the in the oldest slot. I don't think I ever really "parented" my younger sister. I have a little boy now, and I am busy trying to figure out how to raise a boy (I only had sisters) - and a singleton boy at that, so parenting feels like totally new territory compared to my upbringing! In fact, I feel bad for him; who the hec is he going to play with? Just 6 weeks post-partum, I was wanting to give the little guy a sibling... I apparently have no concept of spacing because my sister and I were born minutes apart, haha. Anyway, suffice it to say, this was an enlightening read, especially since my hubby is also the oldest but a singleton (no wonder he seems to find parenting "natural").Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04966555296621723142noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-38786671876791612172013-02-02T13:57:22.799-05:002013-02-02T13:57:22.799-05:00Yes, it really stinks to say something that seems ...Yes, it really stinks to say something that seems perfectly normal and have adults inexplicably fly into a rage about your "tone of voice." Sometimes I was trying to copy things I'd read in children's dialogue from books, or seen on TV accompanied by a laugh track. I couldn't understand why it was funny on TV but made adults furious in real life.<br /><br />I try to be very explicit about it when I remember. "Son, if you raise your eyes to the ceiling when you say 'Okay Mom,' it gives the impression that you're exasperated with me and you want to make sure I know it. Try to suppress that, because it tends to make adults angry." A mix of that kind of thing and the out-and-out "Don't talk to your mother that way" is what I manage.bearinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07953735060133330755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-51329587152409888052013-02-02T12:00:05.066-05:002013-02-02T12:00:05.066-05:00Bearing,
I think I just had a flashback. My mothe...Bearing,<br /><br />I think I just had a flashback. My mother said that to me ad nauseum. I too couldn't figure out what she was talking about. Jennynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-42317985532276557672013-02-02T07:55:28.603-05:002013-02-02T07:55:28.603-05:00I think it is a lot easier to insist on treating p...I think it is a lot easier to insist on treating parents with respect when Dad insists that the kids treat Mom with respect and Mom insists that the kids treat Dad with respect. Otherwise, you spend all your time modeling "being aggrieved."<br /><br />I try to remember, too, what it was like to be a kid and to have the intention behind my tone of voice misunderstood (happened to me all the time; my mother was always telling me "It isn't what you say, it's how you say it" and I Could. Not. Figure. Out. What. She. Meant. So I do a lot of "Child, if you raise your voice to adults like that they are going to think that you mean disrespect. Please don't talk to me that way."bearinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07953735060133330755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-67907932273943860712013-02-01T17:28:16.967-05:002013-02-01T17:28:16.967-05:00This is so interesting to me as an oldest child (t...This is so interesting to me as an oldest child (though not yet a parent). I definitely had (still have?) the sibling-as-parent syndrome, which I think was somewhat exacerbated by having babysitters at least 3 days a week during childhood. I always took it upon myself to be unofficially "in charge" while my mom and dad were gone. If I have my own children someday I wonder what I will be like? Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09713224905802765336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-18325881321559182532013-02-01T14:41:22.694-05:002013-02-01T14:41:22.694-05:00I totally relate to the oldest-sibling-babysitting...I totally relate to the oldest-sibling-babysitting-mentality. BUT--I have always demanded more respect. I'm having a *harder* time with that now that my oldest is in high school, because I remember all to well what it's like to be in high school. I have a very hard time telling him to stick to the rules, do the homework, get off the computer/ipod--and making him listen. I reign in the smart-alek comments when they go too far or are disrespectful, but perhaps not enough. It does help that he's a good kid. But BOY does he have the sibling-as-parent syndrome!! Any tips for how to knock that out of him? I don't think I'll *ever* get to that "real parent" setting schedules & such stage. Even *with* a full-time job. Literacy-chichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08925734773412633965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-21049475098938403222013-02-01T14:25:40.016-05:002013-02-01T14:25:40.016-05:00My husband and I are both oldest children and I jo...My husband and I are both oldest children and I joke around that our oldest daughter, as the oldest child of two oldest children, is DOOMED! That's partly a joke and partly recognizing the OCD inherent in every oldest child.<br /><br />As the oldest I was expected to babysit a bit, but I can't say I took it very seriously. If the youngers wanted to kill each other, well leave me out of it.<br /><br />As Grace enters the back-talking stage (oh joy), I find myself telling her how she will not be rude to her parents, but I feel oddly disconnected from the label.<br /><br />For my first mother's day, I was driving and worrying about what to do because my mom wanted us at her house and my husband's mom wanted us at her house and there are only so many hours in the day and no matter what we did, there would be upsetness. And then the thought dawned on me. I'm a mother too now! How odd. Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12507330852895229468noreply@blogger.com