tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post2254538572980498242..comments2024-03-28T17:53:43.541-04:00Comments on DarwinCatholic: Somebody Marry These KidsDarwinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08572976822786862149noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-70608041851673420622012-05-14T13:17:17.777-04:002012-05-14T13:17:17.777-04:00Thanks for this thoughtful post. John and I have b...Thanks for this thoughtful post. John and I have been involved in the marriage prep ministry in our parish (with the FOCCUS program) and it's really opened our eyes to the complexities various couples come to the church with. It's great to have a pastor who is both faithful and understanding.love2learnmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10548471887979257624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-67838828888547777162012-05-12T11:04:28.130-04:002012-05-12T11:04:28.130-04:00As with other institutions, people's experienc...As with other institutions, people's experiences seem to depend so much on individual priests rather than merely the rules. I do see one good reason for waiting, though -- abusive men (and women, I'm sure) often are in a rush to marry, while their girlfriend is still taken in by their charm. I'm watching a dear friend divorce now because she was married in the abuser's home state in a hurry. (He had moved out of state, but was allowed to marry back home about a year after moving away -- and he wasn't willing to do any pre-marriage counseling, preparation. Another red flag.) Sometimes rules are designed with protection in mind.<br />NancyPeter and Nancyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10329947206142706470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-71764225607761198792012-05-12T09:42:58.712-04:002012-05-12T09:42:58.712-04:00We got pregnant while engaged. We immediately went...We got pregnant while engaged. We immediately went to the priest assigned to the Catholic student center. He comforted us, heard our confessions, and did all the things you hope a priest will do in those circumstances. I had already ordered my dress, we had chosen a date, and so on. We also talked to the parish priest that night. He counseled us to get married at a JP soon, so that our child would not be born into wedlock. He also assured us we would be married in the Church in due time. Happily he did not make us wait a year after the birth of our daughter. We got married in the Church exactly one year after our civil marriage. Both our campus minister and parish priest at the time were of the Marianist Order working in the Diocese. Maybe that gave them more freedom. All I know is that they offered us great comfort when we were reeling (we were in denial about our "activities" obviously). I try to share this with people when they have terrible experiences with the clergy and bureaucracy of the Church, to help them see not all priests respond the same way. <br /><br />When we were first planning our wedding (before pregnancy) I did run into quite a few church employees at various parishes that refused to accept the campus Catholic center as our current parish. As college students not in our hometowns we were not technically members of a parish. I was so disappointed to be treated like a young girl who just wanted a pretty church to get married in, rather than the practicing Catholic that I was. But again, it was the people, not the Church itself.nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06605426195521274662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-92206241117410375602012-05-12T02:44:27.428-04:002012-05-12T02:44:27.428-04:00I know I've complained about it, although I...I know I've complained about it, although I'm not sure if it was here-- I tried like crazy to get married in the Church. Tried to talk to the priest on the ship (my "parish" when I met TrueBlue) and was told, basically, that he couldn't get married while stationed in Japan.<br /> Didn't have a parish priest growing up-- we're a satellite parish, the one they give to the guys who are new to the country until their English is good enough to send to help in Seattle or something. No idea where the only priest that bothered to have a relationship with anybody is now, he was moved out without being told where he was going to end up being stationed in the long run. (Hey, it's still better than the tribal guys they keep putting in my mom's home town-- the freaking <i>priest</i> keeps trying to shake down any Catholics for free stuff, usually by ordering expensive things and walking out.)<br /> Physically went in to my sister's church, the only place that there was a <i>chance</i> TrueBlue's family to make it to, was given a phone number. Called the number and left messages. Physically went in again, told them I'd called and left messages and was the machine working, was told to just use the number. Still no call-back.<br /><br />Didn't get married in the Church. Didn't have TrueBlue's family there. Didn't even have a dress or suit. The day that was supposed to be a crowing glory to childhood and a the gateway to our unified adult life was... yeah, I'm digressing.<br /><br />What a GREAT solution! <i>That</i> is a great alternative to high rates of annulment-- driving those who have been moving a lot to getting civil marriages, because no-one can be bothered to call them back to try to set anything up. <br /><br />Long, complaining, bitter way of saying: Bob the Ape is right.Foxfierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10161683096247890834noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-8450087748770320182012-05-11T07:05:55.956-04:002012-05-11T07:05:55.956-04:00I agree entirely. The worst thing about bureaucra...I agree entirely. The worst thing about bureaucracy - any kind, governmental, corporate, or diocesan - is not that it is slow, inefficient, or muddled, but that it does not treat people as people. Its subjects are little pawns to be moved about in accordance with the rules. And because it <i>will</i> not take each person's circumstances into account, it is, in a word, unjust.Bob the Apehttp://trousered-ape.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-78156283024987364702012-05-10T20:48:03.117-04:002012-05-10T20:48:03.117-04:00One of my sisters was not allowed to get married a...One of my sisters was not allowed to get married at our family's parish (my father was a deacon there) because her fiance wasn't Catholic, yet he was going through RCIA at the time, but then they would have had to wait another year to get married, and she was already in her early 30s and didn't want to postpone the marriage any further. So they ended up finding a church in NYC which would accommodate them. It all seemed really ridicules at the time.JMBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02542004362101344466noreply@blogger.com