tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post888712448161340082..comments2024-03-28T17:53:43.541-04:00Comments on DarwinCatholic: The Complaint TemptationDarwinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08572976822786862149noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-17340597190903231692010-03-08T12:38:40.830-05:002010-03-08T12:38:40.830-05:00I never criticize my wife in public either in all ...I <b>never</b> criticize my wife in public either in all male or mixed company, with or especially without her.<br /><br />We may joke about each other when we're alone together, but it never leaves the house.Tonyhttp://www.catholicpillowfight.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-51360940821371890692010-03-02T08:33:15.921-05:002010-03-02T08:33:15.921-05:00I've found in observing other marriages I seem...I've found in observing other marriages I seem to see a curve. There are marriages where all is sweetness and light and spouses are discussed as if sculpted out of delicate saccharin, and those are really hardly marriages yet. Next comes the marriage where a spouse can admit to the quirks of the other and is able to find the humor and humanity in it enough to tell a good story -- strong and practical marriages. Then there are the men and women who have passed by that stage, the quirks are all part of "us" instead of "him" or "her", the stories are all about what "we" do and both spouses can smile with genuine enjoyment at them.<br /><br />The problem comes when, at stage two, a spouse begins to enjoy not how funny the humanity of the whole thing is, but how funny the other spouse is. It becomes a competition within the couple and exhibitionism outside it. Then that spouse can never get to the third stage, because the story never is about "us" but only about that other guy -- they guy she happened to marry, largely to better get the dish on his faults.Marienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-70676801636072145462010-02-27T15:18:25.343-05:002010-02-27T15:18:25.343-05:00Another excellent post. I've always felt that...Another excellent post. I've always felt that complaining about one's spouse is almost akin to adultery. I've just never had the words to express why as eloquently as you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-11460863649260356742010-02-27T12:02:18.508-05:002010-02-27T12:02:18.508-05:00I use my husband as my straight man in my blog, bu...I use my husband as my straight man in my blog, but I don't criticize or complain about him to others. It's tacky.<br /><br />I was at a bridal shower and one of the games was supposed to be complaining about our SOs. I suggested we play something else or find something positive to say about the guys instead. I didn't want to man bash. I don't like it.the gold diggerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09134199198587591427noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-75184578645107118262010-02-26T18:21:19.669-05:002010-02-26T18:21:19.669-05:00i have thought about this phenomenon all the time!...i have thought about this phenomenon all the time! on the one hand, i don't like offering up my husband as the source of others' amusement. on the other, i'm really good at telling funny stories. and he's so damn funny! anyway, thanks for the post :) glad i'm not the only one who thinks about this.Mama Beanhttp://www.updatemystatus.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-23393858136913511222010-02-26T16:23:23.263-05:002010-02-26T16:23:23.263-05:00I know just what you mean. Man, my husband compla...I know just what you mean. Man, my husband complains ALL THE TIME. It's ridiculous! Let me tell you about the other night over dinner...<br /><br />(heh)<br /><br />My husband, to my knowledge, never complains about me, and I consider it one of his finest traits. Very honorable and loyal. We can leave it unsaid whether I consider it especially virtuous that he doesn't complain about <i>me</i>, as compared to all possible wife choices in parallel universes.<br /><br />I'm a champion "venter" and will be forever in recovery. It's hard when you build a friendship based on a shared frustration with such-and-such or so-and-so and then have to realize there's not much else you have in common.Dorian Speedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09437677114445411990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-47234030079340571842010-02-26T15:37:09.249-05:002010-02-26T15:37:09.249-05:00This is something that has always frustrated me ab...This is something that has always frustrated me about people. My parents never spoke ill of each other and I don't disparage my husband to others.<br /><br />I used to work with a woman whose favorite topic was the stupidity of her husband. I would always listen to her and think, "Well, he may be a nitwit, but YOU married him!"Jess B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/14831301278515035580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-33342039363819028362010-02-26T10:57:08.278-05:002010-02-26T10:57:08.278-05:00You nailed it.You nailed it.Daddiohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00277955670557938387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-39291085348559194002010-02-26T10:10:44.051-05:002010-02-26T10:10:44.051-05:00I've quit play groups and stopped reading some...I've quit play groups and stopped reading some blogs because of what you are talking about. I hate listening to people complain about their spouses. Why did you marry them if all you have to say about them is rude and demeaning?nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06605426195521274662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-25544362678374453022010-02-25T20:09:34.637-05:002010-02-25T20:09:34.637-05:00However, if we can avoid insulting, mocking, dispa...However, if we can avoid insulting, mocking, disparaging, etc. I actually find it nice to know that my husband isn't the only one to do X. As long as we don't go on about it, it's sort of like seeing someone else's kid have a fit- you know everyone's kid does it, but it's nice to know yours isn't REALLY the only one! I don't expect my husband to be perfect, and I actually think it would be sad if certain of his foibles disappeared, but there can be an encouraging comraderie that comes from finding difficulties in common with others. <br /><br />chrisAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-3248820659511918232010-02-25T17:38:55.364-05:002010-02-25T17:38:55.364-05:00Occasionally at all-female gatherings, I find myse...Occasionally at all-female gatherings, I find myself casting about frantically for an aspect of my spouse about which I can complain. I have a hard time coming up with faults, frankly. It's sort of embarrassing. <br /><br />Bragging about how wonderful one's husband is seems to cause different problems.bearinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07953735060133330755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13522238.post-42133582768719654822010-02-25T17:10:14.370-05:002010-02-25T17:10:14.370-05:00hear hear, brother Darwin! No-one has ever heard m...hear hear, brother Darwin! No-one has ever heard me say a word of criticism about my wife, and I actively dissuade others from doing the same. How can one speak poorly of one's partner, and expect a good relationship?<br /><br />What maddens me more is when someone speaks ill of their spouse in front of her. How is that supposed to make her feel? What does it say about the relationship?Danimalnoreply@blogger.com