Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Beau Brummell, call your office

I post now on the most heinous trend to hit fashion since I don't know when: The City Short.


What is up with this look?

It turns out I gave away my one and only pair of shorts -- my favorite shorts -- to the Katrina clothing drive while I was pregnant. I don't know what possessed me, because I liked those shorts. But anyway, they're gone now. So a week or two ago I returned to Old Navy to see if I could find them again. Lo and behold, Old Navy had NO SHORTS. It was not merely that they had a few pairs stashed away against the back wall. In Texas, in 100 degree heat, there were no shorts. None at Target either.

But there were City Shorts. Appalling, chimerical visions -- neither quite shorts nor quite pants but some repulsive compromise. And they don't look good on anyone. We recently went to Family Day at Darwin's Big Anonymous Company, and I saw several women wearing City Shorts with heels. This must stop, America. These things must be driven out of our homes and schools and department stores and expensive catalogs.


Paris Hilton in knickers. Need I say more?

14 comments:

Rick Lugari said...

Granted, I'd prefer them shorter, but at least I recognize that longer is probably better...at least in theory. And what's wrong with heels? I mean heels make everything better! Perhaps Darwin should you remove you from Gerty the polyester pantsuit queen's influence.

;)

Amber said...

All I have to say is eww...

And that last picture was truly repulsive. What was that woman thinking??

CMinor said...

Any good chiropractor could tell Rick what's wrong with heels. Instruments of torture!

I was sorry to see gauchos make a comeback--I didn't like them the last time, either. And have you seen some of the colors they're using this fall?!!!

Rick Lugari said...

I don't know cminor, I suspect most good chiropractors think they look hot too. In fact, if you read the journals you will find that the American Chiropractic Association has deemed heels to be instruments of supreme sexiness, not to mention good for business.

;)

MrsDarwin said...

You are wrong, Rick -- longer is not better, because any pair of shorts that falls to the knee is going to make one's thighs and hips look massive. Even someone as skinny as Paris Hilton doesn't escape unscathed.

Anyway, Darwin is aesthetically opposed to the various forms of cropped pants (capris, gauchos, city shorts -- not actual shorts) so they won't be making an appearance in this house.

I like heels, and I would wear them more often if a) I could find a comfortable pair that didn't look orthopedic, and b) if I had more stuff to wear them with. I usually dress like I have three toddlers -- not because it's a look I like, but because my clothes come under fire so often during the day that I feel like I ought to wear battle fatigues.

And dude, I hate polyester!

The Opinionated Homeschooler said...

Do I understand then that you wear neither a denim skirt (calf-length, with capacious pockets) nor a denim jumper? You do understand that the Leeper decision made these the mandatory uniform for homeschoolers, don't you? I'd hate to find you out of compliance. Oh and heels are right out. Keds or Birkenstocks, or it's public school for you.

Rick Lugari said...

Silly, the longer is probably better wasn't meant to indicate that I think longer looks better, but that from a moral/modesty standpoint it is better. If I had my way, mini-skirts and heels would be the norm. I'd also posit that someone like Paris Hilton needs something to give her body some appearence of shape. Of course, that still does nothing to redeem her skankiness.

I laughed out loud at "a.", I was picturing a high heeled version of Kramer's high-jumpers. Anyway, nobody said heels have to be comfortable. Just offer it up...

My sense of a fashion faux pas, or more accurately, a pet peeve of mine is spandex. It's the devil's fabric or something. The girls who should wear it don't and the girls who shouldn't even consider being in the same room with it wear it. It's a mixed up world...

Esther said...

Oh gee! I hope that trend doesn't come here. I practically live in shorts...good old denim or khaki shorts.

Dorian Speed said...

Here is where I point you to "Go Fug Yourself."

http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/

It's probably violating a commandment to read what they say about celebrity dress habits, but they do oppose horrid trends like LEGGINGS and, I'm pretty sure, city shorts.

MrsDarwin said...

That's where I got that picture of Paris. It's actually a pretty funny blog...

drunkenferret said...

For the record Mrs. Darwin, I like polyester.

*looks at picture* *shudders*

Ug. Those...those...things should be put in a crate and shipped to mars. I can't stand the jorts. (Jeans/Shorts)

LogEyed Roman said...

EEEW! Fashion evil! Does the Holy Office investigate such things? WWTD? (What Would Torquemada Do)

I have heard that in the far end of the bell curve in fashion obsession (defnitely Paris Hilton's native habitat) the need to appear ahead of everyone else at all times requires that fashions be truly original--something never seen before at all. Even returning fashions have to have something changed in them to make them manifestly not a simple repeat. So relentless is this demand that originality trumps everything. So many things have been "done before" that functionality and true aesthetics have to take second place. This is why "high fashion" so routinely is absurd, impractical and humiliating.

But these--these benighted "city shorts"--surely they have gone beyond even that. Surely something that actually makes Paris Hilton look stupider and skankier than ever before cannot be the result of mere obsessive folly. Conscious malice has to be involved. There Must Be A Conspiracy. I suggest that there's a Secret Society of fashion designers who hate women and want to grind them down by having them waste their time and money on fashions that also humiliate and degrade them at the same time.

Do I get a prize?

LogEyed Roman

March Hare said...

I work next door to the Corporate World HQ of The Gap. I've seen these monstrosities on women for several months. Worn unhemmed and with heels.

I still hate it.

Kind of reminds me of the "dress" shorts craze that was popular in the mid-80's: cuffed walking shorts with matching suit jackets, made out of the same type of fabric found in most men's suits: houndstooth, pin-stripe, subtle tweed.

Didn't succumb then; don't expect to succumb now! :)

Rick Lugari said...

Speaking of the ultimate in female footwear, check out this brilliant idea.

If they were a a bit more selective about the competitiors this activity could potential surpass women's beach volleyball as my favorite sport.