Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I remember MrsDarwin Redux!

In honor of MrsDarwin's birthday, we revive a popular meme posted here on this day last year.
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL MEMORY OF YOU AND ME.

It can be anything you want--good or bad--BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.
Here are all the egregious falsehoods our readers concocted last year. Good times, good times...

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I remember the time you escaped to New Zealand for a holiday with your backpack on. We went up Mt Egmont and the weather turned nasty. It was pretty cold in the hut overnight when it snowed but the ground looked beautiful next morning. Trouble is it got really muddy on the track further round and we got our feet stuck fast in the mud. We simply couldn't move and we had to raise our bright yellow pack liners above us so that the helicopter could find us when they realised we were missing. It was a wonderful helicopter ride out though as they flew us over the crater and we could see it smoking and ready to erupt. It was a great experience and I am looking forward to your next visit. I already have a forest lined up for us to walk through, but maybe we can manage to walk out this time.

Kate said...

My, has it been a year already?

Remember the time you and I left the menfolk with the kids and went to that huge sci-fi con in San Fran, just for kicks? And how we spent 4 hours at a rest stop trying to get my hair to do the princess Leia thing? I made a pretty sad looking Leia, but you were an awesome Ferengi woman. But then at the con that guy in the klingon costume made a huge fuss because 'authentic' Ferengi women don't wear clothes. What a hoot! So we took your ears off and told everyone that you were a new kind of alien from the next ST movie. We had to book it out of there when the word went around that we had inside information - a mob of excited SF nuts is a scary thing!

MrsDarwin said...

Kiwi,

That was a great trip. I ended up sewing the pack liner into a quilt (along with pieces of my wedding dress) which sits on my bed to this day.

Kate,

Geez, those people were sticklers for details. You remember how that woman got all huffy because we'd carefully hand-sewed your Leia dress out of silk, when the original production costume was cheap polyester?

Big Tex said...

Once upon a time, about, hmmm, five years ago, there was this groovy chick and her name was Mrs. Darwin, y'know? And he used to live over in the projects with her groovy dude, and they had a pretty good thing together because she was really fine, and she could cook and all that stuff like that, y'know. Like, she made da best brownies in town, man! Oh, I could remember 'em now, man. I could eat ONE of 'em, man!

They used to live next door to me, y'know... until they got kicked out, man. Yeah, and they used ta live with all these midgets, y'know, and da midgets used ta make a lot noise, y'know, like pounding and hammering and pounding all night, man.

Yeah, but after they got kicked out of the projects, man, they all moved up north together, y'know, and they started this commune, y'know. I think it was called the Mrs. Darwin & Her Groovy Dude Commune. It was a real famous one up there, man. And they used to sit around and groove all the time, y'know.

They would eat da brownies, man, and then drink da tea, man... and what they did most of da time, though, was make a lotta goodies, y'know? And they had everything they needed; they only needed to come into town maybe once year or something like that. Once a year, when they made all the goodies, y'know, they used ta put 'em in a big chopping bag and, then, they used ta take da chopping bag and give 'em to all the boys and girls all da way around da world, man!

They were really nice people man. And so much class, man... they had so much class, y'know. Like, take da way they used ta deliver da toys, y'know. It's, like, Mrs. Darwin used ta have this really charp chort, man, y'know? It was lowered to da ground, had twice-pipes, candy-apple red and button top. Oooo, clean! It was a sled, y'know. One of those big sleds, y'know? And she used ta have it pulled by some reindeers, y'know, like, reindeers?

She would hook the reindeers onto da sled, and then she used ta stand up inside da sled and hold on to da reins, and then call out their names, like, "On, Daniel! On, Brendan! On, Charlie! On, Thomas! C'mon, Michael!" And then, the reindeers would take off into da sky and fly across da sky, man!

And then, when they flied across da sky, they used ta come down to place like, oh, Chicago, L.A., Seattle and Round Rock and all those places, y'know, and then land on top of people's roofs, and then 'ol Mrs. Darwin would make herself real small, y'know, like, a real small chick, and she'd come down da chimney and then she would give you all da stuff that she made, man. And... dig this, man... she did it all in one night, man!

You know how she did all that other stuff, man, like, making herself small, man, and, getting the reindeers off the ground, man? She had some magic dust, man. She used ta give a little bit to da reindeers, a little bit to Mrs. Darwin, a little bit more for Mrs. Darwin, a little bit more for Mrs. Darwin.

Yeah but, she doesn't do that bit anymore, man. It got too dangerous, man. Like just two years ago, man, she got stopped at the border, y'know, and they took her into another room and took off her clothes, man, and searched her and searched her bag of goodies, man...and then, when she was leaving, man, she was flying through the air and somebody took a chot at her reindeer, y'know. And then, man, she went down south, man, and they tried to cut off her hair, man. And all the time, she was getting stopped and pulled over and asked for her ID, man... just everywhere she went, she ran into too much recession, I mean REPRESSION, man.

But she still comes around, man, but she comes in disguises now. You ought to see her disguise; nobody would ever know it was her, man. She's gotta job in front of da department store, ringing this bell and playing this tambourine next to this black pot, y'know? Groovy, man.

Big Tex said...

Btw, happy birthday! Today, we become members of different decades for a couple years. ;-)

Hand me down my walking cane...

Rick Lugari said...

Remember when the tornado hit your trailer park and every trailer was demolished except yours? When all your neighbors got new previously-loved trailers they decided to glue empty Busch cans to the walls too. You truly have a flair for engineering and decorating.

MrsDarwin said...

Wait a minute, I thought you hit that milestone LAST year. My bad. Good thing I didn't send you a birthday card with "Happy 31st!" on it...

Rick Lugari said...

Oh yeah...Happy birthday!

Big Tex said...

Mrs. Darwin, my brother-in-law hit this milestone last year. He's really old. I'm just old. I guess that makes Mr. Lugari ancient? Carbon dating anyone?

MrsDarwin said...

Rick, I couldn't have drunk all that beer without a little help from my friends.

You remember what happened the last time we got drunk together...

bill said...

Happy Birthday sis.

Remember door-to-door caroling in English Woods?

Darwin said...

Ah, young love... I recall so well the first birthday I celebrated with you (ten years ago, how can it be!) when we were first dating. Sitting there in close embrace on your parents' couch, how were we to know that your younger sisters lap dog had gone to sleep under the couch cushion and was having the life gradually squeezed out of him as we murmered sweet nothings to each other?

Peony Moss said...

Happy Birthday Mrs Darwin. I'll never forget that time that we went to Colonial Williamsburg together. Those Rum Runners at the tavern were so-o-o good. And the way you went up and down the streets informing all the costumed reenactors that they were ungrateful rebels and would be thrown in the stocks as soon as the Revolution was crushed and a good law'n'order Royal Governor appointed? Priceless.

barbfromcincy said...

As I heard the story, Darwin, it wasn't a lapdog. Isn't the story supposed to be completely fiction? hehe..

Fletch said...

We haven't actually met, but the first time I saw you was on Cops! from Dallas. When the cruisers pulled up, you were slingin' a 40 of St. Ides malt liquor in one hand while yelling obscentities having to do with the Seton home school program. Those city-employed fascists never would have got you if your housecoat hadn't snagged the chain link fence. *Wuch!* Thank goodness for digital blurring, eh?

CincyDarwin said...

Of course you remember the time in Virginia I took you to see the progressive liturgical dance you'd been dying to see. After leaving the dance, which left you enthralled, we then rode the big blue van, with country music blaring, to go visit Bobby and Topy for a cultured discussion of the virtues of the Democratic party. At the Bullion's house, we sat down to a succulent dinner of hors d'ouevers and chewing tobacco. Thus fortified, I took you to the hair salon; you wanted to dye your hair blonde. With blonde locks a-flowin', I took you to the tattoo parlor and... (well, don't want to ruin the innocence of your readership now, do we?)

Rick Lugari said...

Maybe they could even use me to calibrate the carbon dating device, Big Tex. After all, I'm ancient enough and the age is known.

Sorry MrsD, but I'm afraid I was still in the hospital when you had your little Busch Tornado Bunker party. I thank God for it too. ;)

MrsDarwin said...

Fletch, I thought nobody knew about that one. Are you sure we haven't met, or is that just part of the general falsehood?

Jennifer F. said...

I remember that time I went over to your house for a playdate and my toddler didn't throw toys.

Drunkenferret said...

Mrs. D, remember that one time when you and I decided to roll in the Big Blue Van down Westwood Northern Boulevard without the breaks and steering, and see if we could avoid the other cars? Of course, it was always a deserted road...

Jen P said...

Mrs. Darwin, I remember that time that you and I decided, on the spur of the moment, to go to the Christmas tree lot in Los Angeles. You know, the one near Koreatown, right across from Bob's Big Boy, on Wilshire Ave? Now that was a kind of freaky thing -- picking out a Christmas tree while looking at palm trees. What was even freakier was seeing the blue and red flashing lights of the LAPD chasing us after we loaded up the tree on top of your Datsun and took off for home. Sure, it was 2 am and the lot was closed....but those are technicalities, right?

Deep Furrows said...

Mrs. Darwin, I remember that time we all got together at the Frick museum to see El Greco's St. Jerome and the Whistler pieces. Those were good times!