Monday, December 17, 2007

Death of a Fruitcake

This is for my brother, who told me he once was bested in a battle-rapping contest:



h/t Teeny Manolo

Lyrics in the combox.

2 comments:

  1. Here are the lyrics. I didn't want to spoil the viewing experience for anyone.

    Listen up fruitcake, I got a question.
    How many times have you changed possession?
    A million sixty-three, I ain’t counting mine?
    The only way I’ll cut you is with this dope rhyme.
    The only way I’ll eat you is behind the mic.
    I think you’re the inspiration for a hunger strike.

    Cuz when it comes to the lyrics I got the crazy ill power
    to obliterate ya, scratch that, DEVOUR!
    Nobody want to eat you cuz you’re just too stale,
    now do me a favour and get lost in the mail.

    (sound of crickets chirping)

    Well they call you a dessert, yes they use that term loosely.
    A punch couldn’t dent ya, not even from Bruce Lee.
    Talk to a spongecake for some inspiration
    on how to be consumed without heavy mastication,
    cuz you taste like dirt and you’re hard as slate.
    You ain’t dessert, fruitcake, you’re a paperweight.

    (sound of crickets chirping)

    A knife and a fork? I’ll take a hammer and a chisel
    to your taste like a brick,
    for shizzle.

    Cuz you’re old, you’re crusty,
    you ain’t exactly tender.
    The only option for a fruitcake
    is return it to the sender!

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  2. I love fruitcake. :( But my standards are tough. The only fruitcakes that come close to beating my grandmother's recipe are made by Cistercian monks:
    http://monasteryfruitcake.org/

    However, I was amused by the lyrics! ;)

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