Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Orphan Openings: High School Vampire Edition

Amber stood staring at her mirror and wishing that she could see herself in it. She was certain that the bite mark on her neck, especially against her increasingly pale complexion, must be garishly obvious. She could feel a smooth, tender, barely healed patch of skin (if one could speak of "healing" with the undead) and in her imagination it was a livid, red, scarred patch. But with her inability either to cast a reflection or to twist her head into whatever contorted position would be necessary to see her own neck, she could not be sure, and it vexed her terribly.

A scarf, perhaps. But in the summer?

Perhaps this, she thought, explained the regrettable fashion instincts of female vampires in TV shows and movies -- a large, metal-studded dog collar would cover the problem, but changing her entire fashion ethic merely because she was now a vampire seemed horribly unfair.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay, so will someone reading this do a favor? Look under 'Contact.' See where it says 'email the Darwins?' If I click on it, Outlook wants to configure email connections and I'm not comfortable doing that. Can someone whose emaily Outlooky thingee is already configured please email the Darwins and ask them something? Ask if they can figure out an additional/alternate way for people to contact them that wouldn't require configuring an Outlook thingamajig.

I will check this site in future to see if such a way has been added. Actually, now that I think of it, please ask them to just please simply put their email address somewhere findable on the site other than (or in addition to) the 'email the Darwins' link. Thank you so much to anyone who does this favor.

Additional favor: reason I want to contact them is to simply ask a question that others might be able to answer as well: has anyone heard anything about the origins of Proctor and Gamble having anything to do with Satan? Someone told me that they had heard or read that the founder of P & G once appeared on the Michael Douglas show years ago. (Remember him? Popularity-wise and chronology-wise he preceeded Phil Donahue, who preceeded Oprah.)

Supposedly, the founder of P & G told this story on the Michael Douglas show: Satan appeared to him when he was starting out in business, trying to build his business. Supposedly Satan told him if he'd do as he said (as Satan said) then he would make his business grow. Supposedly he agreed and part of the agreement with the Devil was to use a logo with the moon and stars. The business began to grow at a phenomenal rate. Somewhere along the line, the founder supposedly realized nothing he'd ever do would be enough for Satan as Satan would require ever more and more from him. So supposedly the founder got out of his agreement with the Devil. Has anyone else ever heard any such thing, anything about this at all? Thanks for any response.

mrsdarwin said...

Anon,

Your web browser is probably set to use Outlook as the default mail sending program. The "email the Darwins" link is just a simple mailto: link, but if you don't have Outlook configured, the browser will try to launch it and then give you that dialogue box. You can instead right click on the link and select "copy link" and then paste it into your preferred email app, then remove the "mailto:" part of the link.

On your P&G question, that is an urban legend that's been circulating for a number of years. The invaluable Snopes has an article about it here:

http://www.snopes.com/business/alliance/procter.asp

Anonymous said...

I just came back to this site to say that right after posting my comment/question, I went to Snopes.com and looked up Proctor & Gamble. I had forgotten about Snopes or I would have gone there first. Came back to say 'nevermind - it's an urban legend' - and someone here's already answered! Thank you for answering.

Anonymous said...

Just found your sight 'accidentally' when googling something different. Just curious - what is a Darwin Catholic? A Catholic who believes in evolution? And the 'reproduction' thing?

Rick Lugari said...

That story of P&G is rather absurd, but you asked the wrong person about it. MrsDarwin hails from Cincinnati. If P&G has satanic roots, we couldn't expect a minion like her to answer truthfully. She may try to bolster her credibility by saying something like, technically I'm from Chillicothe. But that doesn't make her objective because it's an axis of evil or something.

CMinor said...

Actually, Anon, the Catholic church never had a problem with the theory of evolution. That would be Protestant fundamentalists.

I think I was still in elementary school (early to mid-70's) when I first heard the P&G myth--some legends never die!

Alas for Amber! Fashion drifts from '60's to '70's to '80's and back again and nobody's thought to try resurrecting the choker!

DMinor said...

Can we assume that Amber went to work at Proctor and Gamble after her
"lifestyle change?"

Betty Duffy said...

What a very bizarre comment thread this has turned out to be.