Some unsolicited advice for the mother in the store Tuesday afternoon: If a woman suddenly starts making a scene in the grocery store, and it turns out that her child is lost, and she wanders frantically down the aisles calling for him and almost crying, and the employees get involved and start searching for the boy, and finally someone finds and brings forward a Down's Syndrome child of about six:
You will squander all the goodwill and sympathy that any onlookers have built up for your if immediately you start scolding the child harshly for wandering off, and continue berating him until you've paid for your groceries and left the store.
That is all.
Whose Speech Fed Rome Even as the Tiber's Flow
9 hours ago
8 comments:
Ahhh... the difference between reacting to one's own feelings and responding to someone else! Makes a huge difference in all things, especially child-rearing.
I still feel sorry for her. Maybe she felt she had to put on a show of harsh discipline because she feared she would be judged as a Bad Mother for letting her child wander off.
I remember my mother coming down hard on my for going to a friend's without telling her. I'm sure it was the pressure of all that emotion needing an outlet. Still, not a good thing, Down's child or not.
It sounds like she was freaked out. You just never know what else is going on in a person's life.
My father used to work at Jones Beach in the summers, and he told me that, whenever a lost child was found, the previously hysterical mother would invariably smack him or her. So I suppose the berating is an improvement from days when capital punishment was more widely condoned.
I am not sure why you need to mention that the child has Down Syndrome (he is not a "Down Syndrome Child" but a child afflicted with Trisomy 21 or Down Syndrome)....is the mother's behavior a problem JUST because her child may have developmental delays. As a mother of a child with the same chromosomal disorder I know that a child of six who happens to have Trisomy 21 CAN be capable of not getting lost at a store, and be capable of misbehaving. Whether or not the mother should have scolded her child all the way to the car should not depend upon your visual diagnosis of his chromosomes. You have no idea what that child is capable of. While I have been in her position and I hope I have not lost it in front of others, I can certainly understand her stress. Perhaps she is even more stressed because people may judge her for "losing her disabled child" at the store. Who knows. Perhaps I am over sensitive about these things, but I have found that, especially in pro-life circles where people mean to be welcoming to those with disabilities, especially those with Trisomy 21, there is a tendency to grossly underestimate the child's ability and potential; AND a tendency to equate the label (Down Syndrome) with the child. Most obviously in language ("Down's Child"), but also in practice (by assuming that every child with Trisomy 21 must want to socialize with others just like him, so lets get those families together) Again....this is my experience, and I don't mean to assume anyone here THINKS this way, but it sure feels that way from where I stand.
Another Mother,
Without dismissing your experience, I have to say that I think you're reading way too much into this. My point was that every circumstance had built up a well of good will for the mother in question. When the boy was found, there were sighs of relief and smiles and happy murmurs from all the onlookers. The fact of his pretty obvious physical characteristics of Down's Syndrome actually made everyone much more sympathetic -- no one likes the idea of a "disabled child" separated from his mother.
Down's Syndrome or no, the mom would have "won" the situation if she had behaved in the time-honored fashion of mothers everywhere -- behaved graciously in the store and then yelled at her kid in the car all the way home.
Fair enough! I admit to being a bit sensitive any time a child with Trisomy 21 is mentioned in a blog post. And, or course, the time-honored fashion you mention would have been the better choice. :)
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