Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Problem of Pants

Yes, dear readers, if you needed proof that there are Very Silly People out in the Catholic blogsphere (and you didn't really need that, did you?) one need look no further than this sort of thing. What is the great threat to the world, to your morals, to your eyes, to your wife's virtue? PANTS! Don't believe me?
REGARDING NOT WEARING THE PANTS
...
1.Regardless of your size, shape, or age, the attractiveness of your female figure is virtually always enhanced, while adding to your modesty, when you wear a dress.

2. Do this for us, the minority of chaste men who merit the gift of enjoying your beauty in such a way as to be grateful to your creator without temptation. Make it so it is good for men to look upon you, rather than requiring us to look away (which is a tragedy).
...
4. Sadly, and we understand you may not be aware of this, but almost every style of pants reveals private information about your figure (by way of contour) what only your husband (and if not him, no man, including your sons, if you have sons) should perceive.

5. Thus, even a woman endowed with the most spectacular genetic form, in the bloom of her youth, can be given the illusion of ugliness, if not cheapness, by wearing pants. Likewise, pants rarely do anything but exaggerate extra volume on our figures.
Or more briefly: Ladies, you'll be much more pure and beautiful if you wear skirts (which holy men like yours truly will en-joy) whereas if you wear pants men will lust after you, because they'll make you look bulgy, you fat cow.

You know, I have to break it to you, but this whole question of whether skirts or pants is inherently more pure is just silly. Some women are hot, some are less so. Some outfits are hot, some are less so. Some guys are leches, some of us flatter ourselves we can enjoy a nice view pretty disinterestedly, and some are obliv. And all this goes on whether women wear pants or skirts.

Of course, who better to handle these difficult situations than the always-entertaining Simcha, who for those wanna-be patriarchs out there who are worried some lady they see on the street may be out in pants against her husband's wishes (because, you know, that would be terrible) has developed the pants pass.
Does it get better? I think not.

I am hereby issuing MrsDarwin (and, what the heck, all women -- What, that's bigamy? It's big of them too. Let's be big for a change!) a pants pass, a dress pass, a skirt pass, a high priority mini-skirts pass, and for use within the domicile, a lingerie pass. However, I'm taking her capris pass and putting it through the shredder. A man has to put limits somewhere, and by the power invested in me by my Y chromosome, I declare capris to be an offense against God -- but primarily against man.

22 comments:

Foxfier, formerly Sailorette said...

As I do not wish to look like I'm waiting for Willow to return, I'll stick to pants.



(word verification: itzopeep: gender neutral marshmallow birds)

Mrs. Crankycon said...

Hilarious! Reminds me of a story I heard from an old college roommate. She was a very cute girl (normal cute not model), well endowed. She dressed modestly for our modern times. No Paris Hilton attire, but she wasn't wearing prairie dresses either. Her father was a Baptist minister, and she spent the summer as a counselor at a Baptist camp. One of the boy counselors approached her and said, "Could you please stop wearing that shirt. It's making me stumble." She wasn't sure if he was serious or just using the worst pick up line ever.

lissla lissar said...

So, did she take the shirt off? :)

mrsdarwin said...

Wow, what a jerkwad.

Here's my worst pants story: when I was a freshman at Steubenville, I went to confession within my first few weeks. Those who have been in Steubie in September will know how hot and humid it was. I was wearing shorts -- something I rarely did, then or now, because I just don't have the legs for it. Anyway, I made my confession and sat, twisting my hands in my lap, waiting for advice and absolution, and the first thing the priest said to me was, "Do you always wear shorts to confession?" I nearly wept with embarrassment. And I avoided that priest ever after, in Confession or in any other situation.

Mrs. Crankycon said...

Lissla, she did not take off her shirt, but she did leave a Victoria's Secret catalog in his room.

Darwin said...

Ow. That's hitting below the belt...

Jenny said...

That is hilarious! As a pant-preferring person, I've never understood why skirts are considered more modest than pants. I mean, if you aren't careful while wearing a skirt, you will show the world everything there is to see.

Darwin said...

This is true. You wouldn't find Dave Matthews writing the lyrics:

"Hike up your pants a little more and show your world to me."

But with skirts...

Marybeth said...

As much as I hate to open myself to any attacks, there is *some* merit in what the author of the anti-pants blog said. I am not saying us women need always wear prairie dresses or look Amish. There are just as many tasteless skirts out there as there are pants.

Our bodies are temples of the Spirit, and we are created in Gods own image. We should not dress - or be encouraged to dress- in a way that demeans the dignity that we possess. No woman should dress in a way that distracts the average man and leads him to lustful thoughts.... (And I say average because I know there are guys out there who would have lustful thoughts about a fat woman in sweats on a snowy day) And I am going to throw myself in front of the criticism bus here, but as a woman, I find it a little distracting at times when I see a guy with an incredible build shirtless. I am sorry to admit it but yes, even us women who try to be pure and chaste can be tempted by lustful thoughts. I understand that it is MY own temptation and I need to prayerfully deal with it, but I do wish, at times, that the temptation would not be there and the guy would just wear a shirt...

Again, I am not saying we should all dress like we live in a monastery, there are ways - yes, even with pants - to dress modestly. Skirts (modest ones, anyway) are just more feminine and modest. There really is no way around that.

Here is a GREAT article from a Bishop in Texas: http://www.ad2000.com.au/articles/2006/decjan2006p10_2418.html
It is a great article which discusses appropriate Mass attire without ever mentioning a single article of clothing. It discusses more Biblical verses and items from the CCC that address modesty.

I do not feel it is very charitable to attack people who have different views on what is modesty. I know in our culture most people feel there is nothing wrong with wearing shorts or a short skirt or tight, low cut shirt to Mass or Confession. The bottom line, though, is that in choosing to wear those clothes, you are choosing to be a temptation or a distraction to someone...

Again, I hope that everyone can be charitable when responding to my comment... I just noticed that there was no one representing the *other side* so to speak, and felt that someone should....

God Bless you all!

TS said...

"...the attractiveness of your female figure is virtually always enhanced, while adding to your modesty."

Now that's really having your cake and Edith too.

Big Tex said...

Morality and values aside... let's view the practical difference with regard to finding the right size/fit.

Women are blessed with a different dimensional makeup than us men. For pants to fit properly, the most sensible manner to size these garments would be by waist, hips, and inseam, much like men's pants are sized by waist and inseam. Makes for a fantastic fit.

But when they get to the store, a woman can try on a pair of pants in her size, yet they don't fit, typically because the waist/hip proportions vary widely from woman to woman, but not so much from brand X or brand Y. The woman must seek out the right brand with the appropriate waist/hip ratio. Stores like Fashion Bug are step in the right direction with several different ratios, but alas it's still a PITA for certain ladies.

The flip side is that 3 dimensional sizing creates even more sizes to keep in stock creating floor space issues as well as more variability in the means of production, thus making it more costly.

For men, say you have a set of 5 different waist sizes and 6 different inseam lengths. You'd get 30 different combinations of these measurements.

Now, let's make these women's pants, and add 7 different hip measurements. This would give us a total of 210 sizes to choose from.

When I pointed this out to a friend in college, and came to the conclusion that finding a skirt that fit would be easier, I got the evil eye.

Oh well... these are not my pants!

Jenny said...

Also funny is the admonishment not to let your sons see you in pants. Is that a problem? Do boys and men really check out their moms in pants? I guess Oedipus is all around us.

I agree with you Marybeth that modesty is the key.

Darwin,

Funny you mention Dave Matthews. That song used to in the car playlist until we realized the girls may start inquiring about that very line.

Foxfier, formerly Sailorette said...

Big Tex-
I think you're much more in depth... my way of choosing jeans is "find pants that fit OK. Wear belt. Roll up pantlegs."

For nice pants, most of them have those stupid English riding pants poofs on the side.

I'd pout, here, about how they don't make clothes for me... except I know they do, they're just always sold out. -.-

Barbara C. said...

Big Tex, I think another reason that women's pants aren't sized like men is a vanity issue. It's embarrassing enough for some women to admit that they wear a larger size. If actual measurements were introduced...well...

JMB said...

Why don't we all go to SA and get some jean jumpers! That's a good look.
I'm so tired of this discussion - I really don't care what people wear (other than my family). I let my girls wear jeans and shorts and skirts and dresses. Whatever they feel like, as long as it's appropriate for the occasion.
Now my question - where does one go to see a guy with no shirt on? I can't even remember the last time I saw a good looking man without a shirt on! Man, I'm old.

CMinor said...

Well, I was going to limit myself to an eye roll, until I got to item #2.
So instead, I'm going to grumble snarkily under my breath about clods who won't practice custody of the eyes and then blame their misbehavior on the objects of their lust.

c "relaxed fit" minor

Enbrethiliel said...

+JMJ+

Mrs. Darwin, your story reminds me of the reason it took me so long to warm to St. Pio of Pietrelcina. Once, a woman came to him for confession, and he figured out (with his usual charism of discernment) that she owned a boutique which sold women's pants. He refused to give her absolution until she promised she would get rid of all women's pants that she had in stock and never sell them again.

JoAnna said...

Late to the party here, but Enbrethiliel, that story about Padre Pio is a myth; at least, it hasn't been verified by any official sources as far as I'm aware.

I wear pants because half the time I'm too busy/lazy to shave my legs. *shrug*

Jenny said...

JoAnna,

Obviously your skirt isn't long enough! ;)

CMinor said...

Is it me, or does it seem Padre Pio gets thrown around a lot (perhaps with embellishments) by the Catholic "modesty" crowd?

samcarter said...

For a while, we attended an Orthodox Church, and some of the Orthodox give traditional Catholics a run for their money. I felt I should dress more modestly, and started wearing long skirts. They were not revealing or figure-hugging at all. Just denim skirts.

Well, we have an elderly couple living next door, and the husband couldn't stop commenting on how "nice" and "womanly" i looked, every time he saw me out with the kids (quiet street, he is retired and took a lot of walks). I was the only mom on the street wearing skirts. Bad enough I was the only one homeschooling! I was sticking out like a sore thumb.

I talked it over with my husband and he agreed with my thoughts: that by wearing skirts, I was actually being less modest, because I was calling attention to myself. When I wear jeans and a shirt--and my shirts are always modest and do not reveal anything, trust me--I am being less conspicuous.

Christina said...

In college a young man told me that he preferred skirts because they "provide easy access".

I've also noticed that shorts appear MORE modest to me than a skirt of the same length.