It's not my age that makes me feel old. It's the fact that this is the eighth birthday installment of I Remember MrsDarwin! To celebrate eight years of mendacity from our fine family of readers and in honor of the finest, least mendacious group of siblings anyone could have, the theme this year is Family Reunion.
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL MEMORY OF YOU AND ME.
It can be anything you want--good or bad--BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.
When you're finished, post this paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.Tell me about a time you and I made waves at our family reunion. And don't worry, Aunt Bertha isn't reading.
Brush up on egregious falsehoods from the past seven years.
I remember Mrs Darwin waving goodbye to me from the snake pit. She seemed so comfortable with a cobra draped around her neck, leaning on that anaconda. I remember thinking, "She was never really meant for life with humans. She'll be happier now."
ReplyDeleteLast night I was dancing Charleston with Manny, and he reminded me of the night the three of us spent in Ft. Stockton so many years ago. I can't believe I'd almost forgotten transforming the road runner statue into a shrine to Our Lady of Guadelupe, and the dawn light on your face as you sang the Salve Regina at the top of your lungs into the sunrise. You never told anyone about the tattoo, did you?
ReplyDeleteIt was after the big St. Pat's parade in downtown Chicago. You picked me up off the floor in a quaint Irish hole-in-the-wall, plied me with coffee and told me I was meant for more. Never looked back. Happy Birthday Mrs. D!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Mrs. Darwin, who could ever forget the unfortunate incident of the coconut cream pie? You should have remembered that Aunt Minnie always, always claimed the first slice and the last slice, but I guess your dazzling life as an off-Broadway star left you a little too dazzled for Xenia, OH.
ReplyDeleteI will not remind you of the fireworks that ensued when you made the first cut into that glossy pile of meringue while Aunt Minnie was describing Uncle Delbert's Whipple procedure with brain-befogging exactitude, but I must say: west central Ohio will never forget the aftermath of your absent-minded decision (or was it really absent-minded? was it some long-latent hostility toward Aunt Minnie, speeding to the surface like a bubble in a fast-blackening caramel?) to snag the last slice as well.
The last reunion you came to was when you brought ALL those kids ("they're family, too!" you said) to Cousin Lizzy's fantastic penthouse apartment. With white walls, white furniture, white carpets. She might have gotten over the scribbles and the spilled drinks, but she still won't even say your name after the Diaper Incident of 2005.
ReplyDeleteJust last week I was rummaging through my closet and I found an old photo album (remember those!) of the time we decided to visit the Scottish side of the family up in Aberdeen. It probably would have helped if we brushed up on our Scottish (HA! - were they speaking German to us?) before we got on that train from Paddington. What was that called - the Flying Scotsman? Well, it certainly didn't fly, especially when that band of Tinkers got on and we thought that one dude was kind of cute. For a second there I really did think you were going to run off with them and join the fun. Good thing you didn't because we certainly had our share of fun with the bangers and mash crowd on the River Dee. I'm still wondering about that Haggis that you stuffed in your bra.
ReplyDeleteThere was a taco truck, a rubber biscuit, and Larry and his flask. It was a gruesome scene, not even fit for the BBC.
ReplyDeleteIt may have started as a simple disagreement over whether or not cornbread should be made with sugar, but the fact is you still owe me bail money. Last family reunion I ever show up to, I'll tell you that much.
ReplyDeleteRemember the weekend your family joined mine on a snorkeling trip around Catalina Island? I thought for sure that giant squid had got you! I hope you're not still holding a grudge about the hermit crabs in your pillow-case. It was only meant for a joke, and they aren't actually poisonous. My parents still treasure the picture you took of them falling off the boat! Fortunately, nobody was actually in the water when the pair of great whites swam by, but I'm pretty sure your brother has never gotten over it!
ReplyDeleteLadywisdom
Oh, you guys! I'd go to family reunions with you anytime.
ReplyDeleteYou bit me on the ankle. I have no idea what you were doing down there.
ReplyDelete+JMJ+
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to be ironic, but I remember telling you I'd spin a certain hypothetical situation into a proper story for this very day . . . but can't remember what that situation was.
Which is why my fake memory is late. =P
Mrs. Darwin, if you happen to remember what it is, would you please refresh my memory? My real memory? And my fake one, too!