Time Warp, 80s style: C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I

Lo, more than a quarter-century ago, I went to a slumber party at which we watched, on broadcast TV, a version of Babes in Toyland. I remember almost nothing of this unmemorable drama, besides the fact that early on, it had people in a car, driving in the snow, singing a song about Cincinnati. That was probably the first time I ever heard the name of the city to which my family would move a few years later.

Behold, the power of the internet: here is that strange song, sung by a young Keanu Reeves and and even younger Drew Barrymore.



And here are the lyrics to this forgotten gem:

Jack, Lisa Piper, George, Mary: [singing] C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I, Cincinnati! The best town in O-H-I-O, Ohio, USA! At first they called it Cincy, but since Cincy is so natty, they named it Cincinnati, so they say. Hey, the girls are really pretty in this pretty little city, the fellas are the feistiest I've seen. And when it comes to ball teams, the Reds and Bengals maul teams, they knock the socks off all the other teams. I mean to argue's indefensible, the facts are common sensible, Cincy is invincible, know what I mean? Cincy's more than merely natty, she's Ohio's Maserati, Cincinnati's at the center of the scene!

I want the world to know: I like Cincinnati and its seven hills, but contra Keanu, it is not known for its skiing. I might grant her the title of "Ohio's Maserati", though, seeing as the chief competition is Columbus, Cleveland, and Chillicothe.