Are you chumps still coming here looking for baby pictures? I got news for you. There is no baby. In fact, there never was any baby, and this whole pregnancy has been a nine-month publicity stunt on the blog. So there. Why else would my mom have left this morning to go back to work, and Darwin and my brother be heading down this afternoon to go take in The Hobbit? Nothing to see here, so go away.
Even my kids are fooled. This morning, Jack ran in, pulled off my blankets, and announced, "No baby!" to the disappointed peanut gallery in the hall. Little do they know that there will never be a baby, and I'll just have this huge lump in my middle and lay around for the rest of my life. I don't mind, though. Now that I've hit the advanced age of 35, I've accepted the fact that no one cares any more whether my ankles are neat and trim. When you get old like me, people just expect you to waddle around with strange bulges in your midsection. At least I don't jiggle.
In the meantime, I'm going to keep up this charade a bit longer just to see how long I can make people fetch things for me and do all the bending down and dishwashing and housekeeping while I sit with my feet up and laugh behind my hands. Suckers!
I didn't care a whit about turning 30, but all of a sudden, I felt really old turning 35. It was like I couldn't pretend anymore. I am officially old.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! It won't be long now.
I don't mind being 35. It's being 35 and unattractive that gets me.
ReplyDeleteHa! Nice gig you've got there...
ReplyDeleteThere was a point in my taking forever for labor to actually start where my 5 yo asked, "have you had the baby yet?" I asked him what he thought and he sized me up critically and announced, "no, because you are still plump." he was a little confused as to why I was still rather plump after I had Hannah...
HA! I love it when you blog about the pregnancy… I can relate, sister!
ReplyDeleteI'm always late and always huge.
ReplyDeleteStranger: "Are you having twins?"
Me: "Drop dead."
But NOTHING makes me so homicidal as hearing multiple times a day from every kind relative or friend, "Haven't you had that baby yet?" Or, worse, "Ooo, you really better have that baby SOON."
Congratulations on surviving the pregnancy, MrsDarwin!
Finicky Cat,
ReplyDeleteWhen I was pregnant with my second, my doctor told me labor was imminent at my 35 week appointment, but it ended up that I was induced at over 40 weeks. So for five weeks someone said to me every day at work, "You still here?" EVERY SINGLE DAY! I thought I was going to kill her.