Carmen Possum

The homeschoolers had a speech meet on Sunday, and Eleanor gave a particularly fine dramatic recitation of Carmen Possum, a poem by that prolific fellow Anon which we'd dug up in some Best of American Poetry book. It strikes me that our readership is probably the prime audience to appreciate the blend of erudition and cornball humor in this forgotten gem, so for your Wednesday reading pleasure, I present:

CARMEN POSSUM

THE NOX was lit by lux of Luna,

And 'twas a nox most opportuna

To catch a possum or a coona;

For nix was scattered o'er this mundus,

A shallow nix, et non profundus.

On sic a nox with canis unus,

Two boys went out to hunt for coonus.

The corpus of this bonus canis

Was full as long as octo span is,

But brevior legs had canis never

Quam had hic dog; et bonus clever.

Some used to say, in stultum jocum

Quod a field was too small locum

For sic a dog to make a turnus

Circum self from stem to sternus.

Unus canis, duo puer,

Nunquam braver, nunquam truer,

Quam hoc trio nunquam fuit,

If there was I never knew it.

This bonus dog had one bad habit,

Amabat much to tree a rabbit,

Amabat plus to chase a rattus,

Amabat bene tree a cattus.

But on this nixy moonlight night

This old canis did just right.

Nunquam treed a starving rattus,

Nunquam chased a starving cattus,

But sucurrit on, intentus

On the track and on the scentus,

Till he trees a possum strongum,

In a hollow trunkum longum.

Loud he barked in horrid bellum,

Seemed on terra vehit pellum.

Quickly ran the duo puer

Mors of possum to secure.

Quam venerit, one began

To chop away like quisque man.

Soon the axe went through the truncum

Soon he hit it all kerchunkum;

Combat deepens, on ye braves!

Canis, pueri et staves

As his powers non longius carry,

Possum potest non pugnare.

On the nix his corpus lieth.

Down to Hades spirit flieth,

Joyful pueri, canis bonus,

Think him dead as any stonus.

Now they seek their pater's domo,

Feeling proud as any homo,

Knowing, certe, they will blossom

Into heroes, when with possum

They arrive, narrabunt story,

Plenus blood et plenior glory.

Pompey, David, Samson, Caesar,

Cyrus, Black Hawk, Shalmanezer!

Tell me where est now the gloria,

Where the honors of victoria?

Nunc a domum narrent story,

Plenus sanguine, tragic, gory.

Pater praiseth, likewise mater,

Wonders greatly younger frater.

Possum leave they on the mundus,

Go themselves to sleep profundus,

Somniunt possums slain in battle,

Strong as ursae, large as cattle.

When nox gives way to lux of morning,

Albam terram much adorning,

Up they jump to see the varmin,

Of the which this is the carmen.

Lo! possum est resurrectum!

Ecce pueri dejectum,

Ne relinquit back behind him,

Et the pueri never find him.

Cruel possum! bestia vilest,

How the pueros thou beguilest!

Pueri think non plus of Caesar,

Go ad Orcum, Shalmanezer,

Take your laurels, cum the honor,

Since ista possum is a goner!

I am so tickled to find that Carmen Possum has its own Wikipedia entry, with some serious analysis of style and content.