Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Dear Victoria's Secret

I was beginning to think that you'd forgotten about me, but I see that your memory runs deeper than that. After quiet months with no mail from you, months in which I began to hope that I might be free from the clutches of your marketing department, a fresh new skankalog arrived in my mailbox yesterday. I'm not sure whether to be touched, amused, or pitying.

Dear VS, let me enumerate for you the reasons why I won't be purchasing anything from your skankalog. Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with any modesty concerns. I don't expect the 1933 Sears catalog from a company selling undergarments in 2009. My son is only one, so I have no worries there. (My daughters already know the term "skankalog".) I'm not worried either about the delicate eyes of my husband, who knows he can see better cleavage at home than your underfed models could ever afford. No, what offends me is that for a company that emphasizes sexy, you just don't go far enough. You're all, "Let us give you the illusion of a great rack!" but for women who don't need the illusion, but actual support, you've got nothing. Guess what: not all big-chested women are fat.

Real women are not walking mannequins, either. We're not made of plastic, and we want real support, not just gussied-up bits of mesh. Say it with me: Foundational Garments. Real women want something with a bit of structure. We don't need something that's only going to look good on a surgically firm model. Hi! The rest of us would like to look good undressed too! "Lift" that.

So okay: you wanna be THE manufacturer of choice for the American woman? Then help us deal with the aftermath of wearing your stuff. Why don't you make nursing bras? Couldn't the engineering prowess that created the "Ipex" and the "Biofit" and the "Miracle Bra" be profitably employed in designing a nursing bra that looks rather less utilitarian than the norm while still maintaining function? 'Cause if you're looking to increase market share while supporting a popular cause, you just can't go wrong here. What could be more fashionable than breast-feeding? Even Angelina Jolie does it, and boy does she make it look good. Wonder whose product she's wearing? Not yours.

As for me, my money goes to support the local competition, where the saleswomen actually know how to measure their customers, where my size is always in stock. Until you're ready to compete for my dollars, you can take me off your mailing list. That is all.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now that's a critique of the VS catalog that I've never heard before.

Joel

crankywife said...

Here here!

When I lived in Austin I LOVED Petticoat Fair! You may spend $60 on a bra, but it will fit and last for at least a year or two in heavy rotation. In DC, I go to Sylene's, and they have a nice healthy selection of nursing bras. And they know how to fit you. Have you ever gone for a fitting at Victoria's Secret? Sub par. They were off by a full size all around, no support at all.

When it comes to sexy stuff, it just doesn't really measure up either. I saw a pair of skank panties at VC a few years ago with little feathered puff balls dangling off the side. I cannot imagine any man finding the puff balls sexy. I can only guess they are for seducing cats.

mrsdarwin said...

I cannot imagine any man finding the puff balls sexy. I can only guess they are for seducing cats.

I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that...

I have gone for a fitting at VS. The saleslady told me that the company had decided to stop carrying my size, but that she could sell me something in a band size too big and a cup size too small. I haven't been back since.

Jenny said...

Then help us deal with the aftermath of wearing your stuff. Why don't you make nursing bras?

Exactly!

When I had my first child, I got that same line at my fitting for nursing bras about buying up a band size and down a cup size since they didn't carry my actual size. Poor stupid me! I actually did it and spent the first few months miserable while I saved money to afford a bra that fit. And that was at the maternity shop.

The best bra fitting I have ever had was by a hospital lactation nurse after my second child. It's sad that a nurse can outperform companies whose whole business model is bras.

Ioannes said...

Good post!

Betty Duffy said...

I got a catalog too out of the blue too! Did they send it to every woman in America, because I hadn't seen one since high school

Foxfier, formerly Sailorette said...

Ugh... only VS bra I own had an underwire-- only thing they offered in the right size-- and was greatly improved when I lost my temper one night after being poked by the end of the wire for some 14 hours and pulled out said wires.....

It's sad when a costco multi-pack has been the best set I've ever found!

cminor said...

Actually, it didn't look like Angie was wearing anybody's product. Too much of that, and she'll be able to toss 'em over her shoulders like a scarf.

Alas, when you get to be my age, the only company that can be depended upon to inundate your mailbox relentlessly is (sigh) The Vermont Country Store.

Audrey said...

The website does sell nursing bras now, but not in store. No telling what quality (maybe they could add puff balls to those for baby toys)

I have to admit to stopping into a store during my MN visit--but even though I'm fairly sure I am average sized--none were in stock.

Go figure.

TS said...

I find it ironic that the very purpose for which breasts exist is not supported (pun intended) by VS. :-)

Anonymous said...

"Guess what: not all big-chested women are fat."

"Real women want something with a bit of structure. We don't need something that's only going to look good on a surgically firm model."


...And not all average-chested women are surgical... some of us are naturally small, though realistic and healthier than those models, and therefore need the help.. but that doesn't mean we're not real women.

Though I do agree that they should expand their horizons.

And maybe do away with the puff balls.