Are you chumps still coming here looking for baby pictures? I got news for you. There is no baby. In fact, there never was any baby, and this whole pregnancy has been a nine-month publicity stunt on the blog. So there. Why else would my mom have left this morning to go back to work, and Darwin and my brother be heading down this afternoon to go take in The Hobbit? Nothing to see here, so go away.
Even my kids are fooled. This morning, Jack ran in, pulled off my blankets, and announced, "No baby!" to the disappointed peanut gallery in the hall. Little do they know that there will never be a baby, and I'll just have this huge lump in my middle and lay around for the rest of my life. I don't mind, though. Now that I've hit the advanced age of 35, I've accepted the fact that no one cares any more whether my ankles are neat and trim. When you get old like me, people just expect you to waddle around with strange bulges in your midsection. At least I don't jiggle.
In the meantime, I'm going to keep up this charade a bit longer just to see how long I can make people fetch things for me and do all the bending down and dishwashing and housekeeping while I sit with my feet up and laugh behind my hands. Suckers!