Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Losing my first love

Mrs. Darwin here, emerging from a fog of visitors to assure all that I'm still alive and kicking (as is, I sometimes think, Smaskig). My energy levels are gradually building to almost normal, and I feel much better. Thanks to all who've enquired...

Here's a funny thing, though. About a year and a half ago, I picked up the violin. I'd played viola for a few years as a teen, so I had some background and was able to jump right in. A young friend of mine had asked if I would be willing to teach her to play and though I'm no virtuoso, I agreed. She's progressed rapidly and I've been honing my own skills through our lessons. Now I even have a rather small pupil who is merrily scratching her way through Book 1 of Suzuki.

I'm no great talent, but I do like to play, and I've picked up an interest in Irish music (courtesy of my brothers and their Irish band up at the seminary). For the past year and a half, I've played almost daily. There are plenty of things I don't know about playing the violin; so far that hasn't stopped me from plunging in and fiddling away.

However, since I've been pregnant my violin has had an adverse effect on me. Frankly, I can't even think about touching it without beginning to feel queasy. It's not as if I bravely struggle through the nausea because I have a strong urge to practice; I don't even desire to play any more. I hope this is just an odd side effect of morning sickness and not a more permanent state, because it seems terrible to just fall out of love with something that used to be so compelling. I know this is the story of so many relationships -- still, we were different! We had something special!

So on the one hand I really don't want to touch the thing, and on the other I miss making music. All affections are cyclical, I think, yet it saddens me to think that maybe I'll always start gagging at the very thought of tuning the violin. On the other hand, lessons start up for the fall in two weeks, so I'm going to have to grin and bear it soon. Or else start charging.

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