If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL MEMORY OF YOU AND ME.Want to brush up on the egregious falsehoods from years past?
It can be anything you want--good or bad--BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.
When you're finished, post this paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.
I Remember MrsDarwin 2006
I Remember MrsDarwin 2005
Confidential to Big Tex: Happy Birthday, Oldster!
25 comments:
I remember that time at P.K. O'Ryan's just north of Columbus, when Mrs. Darwin proved she could drink us all under the table. When I receive an urgent phone call that Sarah had suddenly and unexpectedly gone into labor, Mrs. Darwin - despite having exhibited her ability to consume more alcohol than the rest of us - was the only one sober enough to drive me the 2 hours back to Northern Ohio to be there for the birth of Grace Assumpta.
Not very original, I know.
I remember when Mrs. Darwin and I got into a flame war in the comments section of one of Jay's posts about Scottish history about whether Dirk Benedict or Katee Sackhoff was a better Starbuck.
She said that the original true Starbuck was really a wimp, a poseur, and a misogynist, and I said that the new fake Starbuck was a promiscuous whore desperately in need of counseling and who should never be allowed near a table knife, let alone a viper. Then she said that if I thought that, then I must be some sort of liturgical liberal in favor of female ordination, and I accused her of being an SSPX member, and then Jay banned us both for a week.
How can I ever forget the time you and Mrs. D flew up to Boston on a lark. My wife and I picked you up at the Airport and we headed straight to Grill 23 for martinis (Darwin and I started with beefeater--Mrs. D and the wife did Absolut Cosmos before downshifting to Bacardi mojitos) and after hitting several other local watering holes, ended the night dancing at Il Panino in the Financial District.
Blew out a tire on the Ford and we needed to take a cap to your hotel and us home...
Sorry, we take cabs in Boston, not caps.
Mrs. D... go celebrate your birthday by celebrating Repeal Day.
My favorite was when Mrs. D and I took Pa to the local tatto parlor and got him a honking ink blot right on his chest. He loved it. Then we took him to get his nose pierced, and then we stopped by the local Harly-Davidson and got him a motercycle. Then Mrs. D and I spent the rest of the evening getting smashed and making Prankc alls to the president...
Mrs. Darwin,
I fondly remember our Mossad training in the Negev. Don't tell your husband; he thinks he knows something about guns.
Anon,
Ah, those were the days... I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I pretend that I'm a total bunny about firearms.
Ah, well I remember the time Jay Anderson and I thought we'd sneak out for a Jacobite Night at the new "Scottish-themed" place in town, while our wives were at the parish Mothers' Guild meeting.
Seeing a crowd of men gathered around a table, we thought there must be a particularly bonny lass there, and pressing forward who should we find but MrsDarwin. How you found out our plans I can't imagine, but you certainly had the last laugh on that one.
Ah, well I remember the time Jay Anderson and I thought we'd sneak out for a Jacobite Night at the new "Scottish-themed" place in town,
You guys gotta take me along next time!
Dear Mrs. D, Gosh I remember when we pooled our kids together and put them in the Nutcracker... hoo boy what a hoot! I don't know who got knocked around worse, the dancers or the choreographers. :) Have a happy!
MrsDarwin,
You remember that time you stuck up the bowling alley in Abilene and forced random bowlers to tap-dance to "Light My Fire"?
Well, I was one of them. I think you could at least apologize.
Histor
Sis! Remember that week we spent in Ireland?!!?! What fun!
Well the IRA hasn't forgotten it either, and they want our help again. So squeeze into that Kevlar and lace up those combat boots one more time, because the Queen's made damn sure we won't catch her watching the tea-pot boil this time! Happy Birthday!
Mrs. D,
Two words: duct tape.
Wooo-eee, that was an adventure!
(Didja ever get the rest of it offa your car? I mean, after the cops let you go...)
Kate
Mrs Darwin,
I remember the time when we were both students and I flew across to the US in your summer hols. We took off into the woods and oops took that wrong turn. Met those real hunks by the lakeside who helped us get back on the right path. (Had better not say too much about them in case D gets a tinsy bit jealous.)We celebrated your birthday on that trip too with some rip roaring singing by the fireside. It was a great night!
Happy Birthday, Daughter D.
Wish you were here to do the traditional birthday boogie and glass smashing. You always did it so well. Be expecting the BIG check in the mail. Sorry its late.
Love, Grandma Darwin
Baby D,
Don't listen to grandma. She's been in the cabinet again.
Grampy D
Sorry hon.... thought I had that pair locked up out in the chicken run where they couldn't embarrass you on your very own special birthday. I'll see to it pronto and hopefully you won't have any more problems.
Goodness, I remember it like it was yesterday...the time we took the kids to the zoo. What a day! Did you ever find your sunglasses? I still think you lost them while retrieving my tot from the rhino pen. Pro football is missing out on some amazing talent by not having female players. Thank you, again.
Happy b-day, MrsD--
Though I'm sure it was nowhere near as exciting as the Mossad training, I trust you will always remember fondly our year dancing with the Rockettes...
Ya'll are funny, that's all.
Dang ... late again. However, that puts me in mind of the time that we were running for the train in Germany, missed it and had no more money ... having had to spend our last coins for the train tickets. Boy oh boy did our arms ache from carrying those big mugs of beer at Oktoberfest to earn enough money to leave the country...
First Marrakesh and then Germany. You'd think that we'd have learned not to travel together to foreign countries!
You know...I was pressed yesterday and couldn't come up with anything in short order, but it didn't occur to me to at least wish you a Happy Birthday. So consider it done.
The Darwins never come to Washington DC, not even to be tourists, so I don't remember anything in person. But they're great correspondents, and were a captive audience one Friday night when I got into this hilarious combox discussion with a gal who wasn't thinking things through very well. Which made me look as if I was. Thanks for the memories, kids.
Happy Holydays to all, Hare Krishna, good night.
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