Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Cold Beer or Bust

I'm a homebrewer -- not just because I'm cheap (though that might be part of it) but because I enjoy the process of crafting a really good beer. So most of my beer drinking is done safely within the bosom the of the family home. Still, every so often, one wants to go out and get a beer at a local haunt -- whether under the guise of "lunch break" on a hard day, or because you want to hang out with the guys, or simply because.

Sadly, we don't live near the great beer shrines of the region, such as The Flying Saucer down in north Austin, whose reason for being is to have over a hundred beers on top. No, we live up in the suburbs, in retail plaza land. You don't get the very best beers at suburban "sports bars" and "family bar and grills", but one hopes to find something that is drinkable.

However, there has been turnover among the beer serving establishments in our immediate neighborhood lately. And the new arrivals do not seem to think that malt, hops, yeast and water are enough to bring the boys in anymore.

So now we have The Tilted Kilt, which informs us that "A cold beer never looked so good."I suppose it's a matter of judgment, but I'm going to say it's an apples to melons comparison. I can see what they're getting at (indeed, it is packaged so as to be rather hard to miss) but when a fellow wants a cold one, staring at a hot one is not necessarily the solution to his need.

Being the rather naive fellow that I am, I didn't realize quite what the scenery was like when our the Tilted Kilt opened -- foolishly imagining it was simply a Scottish-themed bar. So I went there with a group after work not long after it opened and can attest that in addition to the warmer delights on display there it offers a fairly pleasing variety of beers, imports and domestic craft brews.

Just recently another establishment with a similar approach opened, Twin Peaks, which this time I was clever enough to realize was not simply an eatery themed around the early 90s David Lynch television series. Their slogan is "Twice as fun as other restaurants", and the reason is apparently this:What exactly is it about minimalist clothing themed around areas with cold climates?

A couple of other places having closed, the only other beer serving establishment in our immediate vicinity is that well-known haunt of ornithologists:Now perhaps you'll think I'm being a bit of a prude about all this. After all, the association of beer and cleavage is not exactly a new invention.(Is it just me, or do the mugs of beer seem to be rather out on the periphery, away from the central point of interest on a bottle of St. Pauli's?

Still, the best things in life deserve to be savored with a certain degree of concentration. And how exactly is one to pay full attention to this:When this keeps leaning forward and asking if you want a refill?

Just the beer, please, ma'am.


Rick Lugari said...

Never been to Hooters even though there are plenty around here - doubt I'll ever go either. However, the Tilted Kilt looks like a nice place to down a couple. I know some people might be put off by hot chicks in hot little mini-kilts, but I'm above all that and can appreciate those gals for their appearance as well as their beer-fetching talents.

Ginkgo100 said...

Well, my son gets thirsty when he sees cleavage, but he's five months old...

I used to homebrew too, and was the only woman in my homebrewing club. Ought to start up again... but I've been saying that for two years. Still, Houston lacks the craft brew culture of Denver, and I miss good beer. Maybe the fact that you can buy wine in the grocery stores here makes up for it, though.

CMinor said...

Well, it's not beer, but there is a white German wine known as Liebfraumilch...

My spouse remarked, when I drew his attention to your post, that he was surprised to find establishments selling beer by the jugs.

Rick Lugari said...

that he was surprised to find establishments selling beer by the jugs.

LOL If only!

Bob the Ape said...

It requires no genius or seer
To juxtapose bosoms and beer:
Fundamental the fit
'Tween a tap and a - bit
Of a bouncy balcon sans brassiere.

mrsdarwin said...


You're my hero, and a much better poet than William Mc Gonagall.


We brew every so often with a friend from the Houston area. We'll be bottling the latest batch in a few weeks -- you should come up.

Bob the Ape said...

Why, thank you, ma'am. The funny thing is, I don't even like beer.

But I do like bosoms.

I guess two out of three isn't bad.

Big Tex said...

Boobs aren't just a marketing ploy for beer... some local coffee stands are getting into the fray also.

Anonymous said...

I daresay the more scantily clad the waitress the less tasty the beer. I say this as someone who has no interest in beer, but does have an appreciation, academic since my marriage for women other than my wife, of female beauty. The inverse relationship between the beauty of the female selling the item and the innate quality of the item does seem to apply in other areas however.

Rick Lugari said...

So I guess what you're saying, Don, is that you don't like beer but can still appreciate boobs too. I'm down with that, bro...


TS said...

do the mugs of beer seem to be rather out on the periphery, away from the central point of interest on a bottle of St. Pauli's?

Very astute! Funny, I'd never noticed...

You know how Letterman & Leno keep their theatres ice cold? This is due to the discovery that people laugh more when they're chilly. Similarly, bar owners must've discovered that men drink faster in the presence of bare bosoms.

Likely there must be some sort of sublimation effect. Great writers subliminate their passions into their work; the rest of us drink faster.

Matthew Lickona said...

We just got a Tilted Kilt here in San Diego. I can't tell you more - I don't drink beer.

CMinor said...

If I remember, St. Pauli is the red-light district of Hamburg. Perhaps they meant to emphasise the girl over the beer.

LogEyed Roman said...

As you know, Darwin, I'm a recovering alcoholic as well as a former lapsed Catholic. Clearly one of the reasons God allows establishments like these is to test the faith of people like me.

Gulp. Gasp.

It's working!

LogEyed Roman

Ben said...

My friends and I saw the billboard for "Twin Peaks" in Austin, and though we knew it was some Hooters knock off, we hoped against hope that it would in fact be some David Lynch inspired theme restaurant, with midget waiters and weird ladies carrying logs. We imagined the boob-hound doofuses wandering in, slowly realizing that all was not well.

AND: Being from Houston has taught me to recognize plastic from a mile away--NOT ATTRACTIVE. In fact, seeing fakies on an otherwise attractive woman makes me kinda sad, and makes me kinda wish the apocalypse would happen sooner rather than later.