Books Summarized By People Who Haven't Read Them

with credit to The Toast, who did it first.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

"Anyone else fly over the cuckoo's nest?"
"Nah, just me."

Finnegan's Wake

As the sun rose, the landlady poked her head in
"Are those Finnish guys still sleeping?" she demanded.
Shamus looked up. "No, they're awake again."

Lord of the Rings

The comtesse lifted her lorgnette. "So your father is an aristocrat? What exactly is he lord of?"
"Rings, milady."

Moby Dick

Call me Moby Richard. Please.

Watership Down

The stevedores hauled the barrels to the old schooner.
"Where are we shipping this water to?"
"Down."
Jameson spat. "Lot of rabbits there, I hear."

A Christmas Carol

"So what kind of a song is it you need me to write?"
"I was thinking maybe something along the lines of 'White Christmas'."

The Count of Monte Cristo

"Do we have enough sandwiches for this catering gig?"
"I don't know. I'd better tally them. Where should I start?"
"How about over there with the monte cristos?"

Catch-22

Dad wiped his forehead and grinned at Andy. "All right! Are you ready to catch this ball?"
Andy grinned back. "I caught the first 21. I can do it again!"
And he did.

Winnie the Pooh

A small voice piped over the bathroom stall, "Hey Dad! Hey Dad! Come look! I want to name it!"

Parade's End

As the float went by, the crowds broke up. The parade was over.