Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Bathrooms of the Rich and Famous

UPDATED with photos by popular request! Most of these were taken when we were first looking at the house, so if the bathroom looks clean and unlived-in, that's why.

Welcome to this episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous Bloggers. Hi, I'm MrsDarwin. I live in a house with five (5) bathrooms, so I have clearly achieved the American dream. Come, let's have a look around.


Before we painted over the Insanity Green.

1. Downstairs powder room. This cozy little chamber, tucked underneath what used to be the backstairs, features a toilet that doesn't start running unless you lift the lid of the tank and jiggle it. You use the toilet, jiggle the lid, wash your hands, pat your hair, and then the potty is ready to flush. Luxury!


Photo from when we were looking at the house -- I've never owned a wicker wastebasket in my life. The ugly wooden lights by the mirror are still there, alas.
Check out the three shower heads and multiple faucets!

Bonus shot of the bathroom window, in which the lead caming has so warped over 90 years that we have gaps in between panes. We've never actually taken down the storm window here.


2. The master bath. This bathroom, en suite with the master bedroom, features a tiled shower with the top technology of 1929 -- an unprecedented three-headed shower, with the heads stacked vertically so that no part of you has to be cold. Unfortunately, we've never been able to use it since the shower pan is cracked, and repairing it would mean busting tile out of a concrete bed. Currently holds baby's bathtub (unused) and random toys. The glass door doesn't actually latch.

The sink is a vintage pedestal model. There are no flat surfaces -- everything on the sides (toothpaste, soap, mug, etc.) eventually rolls down into the sink. Six people brush their teeth in this bathroom. Glamorous!

This is what the plaster looks like today. It's usually hidden behind the shelf casting the shadow.

3. The Jack and Jill bathroom between the front and back bedroom. This spacious charmer has glazed green tile and what's left of the plaster is painted yellow. The elbow pipe under the sink drips, but no fear -- the elegant plastic bucket underneath catches all the water and makes a pleasant "plink". The shower handle is stiff and sprays you with cold water while you're pressing with all your strength to move it to "hot". This bathroom has no overhead light, but you'll adjust, and your pupils will grow larger in the process. Fabulous!


4. The guest bathroom. Herbert Hoover probably used this bathroom in the 50s! Vintage basketweave black and white floor tiles complement square pink wall tiles. This was the shower everyone in the house used, until something went down the unprotected drain and caused it to back up. The plumber is coming again on Wednesday. Heated by radiator which doesn't work, and also by a ceramic wall heater which blew out two years ago, and usually by a radiator plugged into a two-prong extension cord plugged into the bedroom. The electrician won't return my calls. Fantastic!


Okay, so it's not exactly zero entry, but believe me, water doesn't respect the minimal shower floor lip.

5. The attic bathroom. Home of the cat boxes and a unique zero entry shower. Don't go barefoot! The toilet is situated before a square window in the gable. You'll have a charming view over the neighborhood, and in winter and fall, the neighborhood will also have a charming view. Scenic!


Bonus! 6. The old toilet stall in the basement. Upholstered in yellow vinyl quilted with tacks. Hook and eye latch -- on the outside. The water has been shut off to this toilet, but it still managed to back up a few years ago. The perfect shooting location for your low-budget horror film -- dank and atmospheric. Ambiance!

Make me an offer, folks.


entropy said...

Sounds fabulous! We need pics.

Jenny said...

Take heart in the knowledge, though, that your toilets come from an age when they were expected to actually flush instead of what passes for a toilet nowadays.

Ladyhobbit said...

Gee, we only have two bathrooms, and just one bathtub/shower! However, the bathroom with the shower did start to leak into the kitchen ceiling just a few days before my younger son's wedding! In spite of frantic emergency replacement efforts, we were all showering at my mom's house that weekend. Good times!

Jamie said...

I love this post. The rundown in our 1923 house:

(1) horrifying wall-less toilet and shower in the basement. We shut off the water to the toilet two years ago, when the town contacted us to say "You are using so much water that we think you must have a leaking toilet somewhere" -- and lo, they were correct. I am still seeing water stains around the toilet, even though that should not be possible. Should it?

(2) mint green upstairs bathroom with a distinct 1950s vibe and a water-stained ceiling. The tile around the toilet is mint green with a bronzy overlay of stubborn pee stains, perhaps an inevitable result of accommodatin g four boys during the bad aim years. (Or perhaps a sad commentary on my housekeeping skills? Who can say?)

(3) downstairs bathroom with the DIY remodel put in place by the previous owners. The floor isn't level, or square, so the tile doesn't line up, leaving grubby glimpses of the 1950s linoleum below. There's a spa tub but the jets are broken and the battle against orange mildew is enduring. There is a pretty stained glass window but the frame is in need of some wood putty and the shower curtain is in need of some bleach.

Love those old houses!

Finicky Cat said...

Well, I did for many decades in the past nurse a painful longing for an old house -- the character! the beauty! the history! the charm! the atmosphere! -- that "past" apparently being all my life before reading this post. Thanks for the reality check. But I agree with Entropy: we need photographs!

Agnes said...

I loved this post! Certainly an original version of the American Dream - but the fulfilment is there, surely. Any Middle European can easily relate...

scotch meg said...

The second time my father pulled the soap dish tile off the wall, he broke it... and of course, there's no matching a 1950's blue soap dish tile. Still, there is a "gold" water tap and the bathtub is still blue. And you have to love those "French" style cabinets. All vintage 1950's. The half bath, unfortunately, looks more 70's.

If I or my husband were "handy," we might now have time to adjust some of these little features, but we are hopeless instead. Maybe one of our sons or daughters will turn out to be "handy" and have pity on us during a vacation... we are hesitant to impose on our son-in-law, who has plenty to do with his Craftsman house in Oakland.

MrsDarwin said...

Alrighty, it's taken me a week, but here is photo evidence!

entropy said...

Love it! Thank you!!!

Finicky Cat said...

Yay! Pictures! So much to love -- see rapturous old house comments above -- and so much to fear. Bathrooms really don't age well, do they?

Melanie Bettinelli said...

This post came in handy this morning as the Bettinelli children took a break from school work to discuss the Important Topic of How Many Bathrooms the Hodges have. II was amused that I could satisfy their 'satiable curiosity by looking it up on the all-knowing internet.

mandamum said...

Melanie, THAT is HILARIOUS!!

(I'm jealous you got to visit them - I'd love to visit with either of your families! I guess that would be one perk if we were uprooted and moved to the East Coast area....)