Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Mad as Hell

I hate roaches. Everyone knows that. If there's even the remote possibility that I might see one, I prefer it to be in the evening, when Darwin is home and will come deal with it after rolling his eyes at my initial shriek. So this morning I was infuriated when the four-year-old yelled, "Mommy! A big bug just crawled under the piano!"

In dealing with a roach I'm torn between, on the one hand, calling Darwin home from work, and on the other, not wanting to look like a big wuss in front of my daughters. If I'm gonna kill the thing, I have to get mad. I need the force of anger to kill an inch-long thing that flies and can survive a nuclear explosion.

Here's my Wimp Kills Roach formula: Work up a good head of steam over the fact that the disgusting creature dares to tresspass in my house, wait until it crawls out into the clear (angry mutterings of "Don't you dare go in that closet, or I'll kill you!"), whap it hard with a fly swatter or anything that allows me to stand way back, spray it with cleaning spray until it folds up, and then run the vacuum over it.

Then yell (silently, so the girls won't repeat it later): "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"

20 comments:

Jason said...

Mythbusters busted the 'roaches survive nukes' myth.

if that's any consolation...

TS said...

I experienced similar feelings last summer when dealing with maggots in an outside garbage can. I cavalierly sprayed RAID on them and they cavalierly continued to thrive. I was incredulous. I went on the 'net and learned they were well-nigh unkillable. It was suggested to try boiling water, so I made about ten trips carrying pans full of boiling water. Whipped in a fury, I'd throw the water at them even though they were, like the demons, "legion". I'm sure I provided quite a sight for the neighbors.

Rick Lugari said...

Why not just treat him as a pet? I hear people do that with those disgusting felines.

Ts, I get maggots in my garbage can a couple times each summer too. I found Lysol to be fairly effective at killing or harming them as well as hopefully disinfecting the can. But as gross as this may sound, I dump them out on the hot concrete and they die fairly rapidly and also fall prey to the birds. Go back out a couple hours after you dump them and if there are any left (usually dead), hose them off into the grass or shrubbery.

Rick Lugari said...

I should add, don't watch them...it's too gross! Just treat it like changing a dirty diaper or something, do what you have to and be done with it.

Darwin said...

One of my bachelor friends has a universal solution for invertibrates found around the house:

1. scoop into metal receptical
2. spray with break cleaner
3. light on fire

I'm not sure this works as well in a family-with-kids situation, though... (Though if you need it, dear, the brake cleaner is on the left hand shelf in the garage.)

Jay Anderson said...

C'mon, Rick. Some of us are reading this while eating our lunch.

I mean, I'll click on a post about roaches while downing my PB sandwich, but I didn't expect to read about maggots in between bites.

;-)

Rick Lugari said...

Don't blame me, Jay, blame TS! Still, it's not like you're eating risotto or mac-n-cheese...

Ginkgo100 said...

I'm not terribly bothered by them. Just severely allergic to them. How unfair! (I don't go around handling roaches, so I it took a visit to the allergist to find out about the allergy.)

Oh, and here in Houston they get to be two inches long. I call them "Palmetto Bugs" which makes them slightly less objectionable. Slightly.

mrsdarwin said...

Ginkgo,

Here in Austin-area I've seen 'em two inches long, but I don't like to talk about it...

TS said...

I like that catch-'em-on-fire idea but I'll take Rick's advice since I'd be likely to catch myself on fire.

Now back to my mac 'n cheese...(Ironically, I actually am eating that now. Every Friday is fish and mac & cheese day.)

Rick Lugari said...

Heh...I wonder if they sound like Rice Crispies when you ignite them. Snap - Crackle - Pop!

Maybe I'll try that this year. My 7 year old is really itching to have a camp fire in the backyard - he's even gone so far to build a fire pit and heap up a bunch of tree limbs and twigs. Too bad for him we live in the city and his fire pit buts up against the back of our wooden garage. But roasting marshmallows over a flaming heap of maggots on the driveway might be suffice...

Slick said...

Darwin,

I was about to suggest the Brake cleaner when I was perusing the comments and saw you had already recounted that last encounter we all had at my house. xD

Usually though, I skip the burning and just spray them. It's effective enough on it's own and evaporates fast enough to not leave a mess.

Jennifer F. said...

Those were the days, when we had roaches in our house. I haven't seen one since the scorpion infestation. I don't even know how I'd react now. Honestly, I'd probably smile and find it charming.

Melanie B said...

Thanks, Mrs D et al for reminding me that there are some advantages of living in the frozen north. I may be envying your weather; but I'm so glad we don't have those two inch long suckers up here. I shudder at the memory of some of my roach encounters, especially this one apartment I lived in right after college that had a terrible infestation.

I remember back in college a friend has one huge roach in his apartment that simply would not die no matter how much Raid he sprayed on it. As I recall he finally gave up on trying to kill the thing and named it Rasputin.

Yeah, maybe winter that lasts into April ain't so bad after all.... at least it kills all the bugs.

Literacy-chic said...

In the French Quarter, you can watch them scurrying away from your feet when you walk at night! Trip to New Orleans, anyone? It's home sweet home! (I hear a travel commercial coming...)

Literacy-chic said...

Does anyone remember "Joe's Apartment" from MTV??

The Opinionated Homeschooler said...

The big ones are fine; they've come in from outside. (Tip: they come in for water more than food.) It's the little ones that mean you have 'em breeding.

Solution: cat. A female; the boys just watch, the girls hunt.

TJR said...

The roaches in Texas can fly?

I am staying right here in California and never leaving.

The Opinionated Homeschooler said...

They can drive, too.

Dang, just wait till you see one of them critters passing you at 80 on I-35. Just pull over and get out the Raid.

Foxfier, formerly Sailorette said...

My sister gave me advice she uses for spiders:

Nerf gun.

She uses a six-shooter style, I'd suggest one of those HUGE bloody ones as big around as my arm instead.