Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Hell Is...

...When you get home after the last day of a long week, find that the rest of the family won't be home for about an hour, have a good book to read, and so you go to the fridge. You put ice in a glass. You add lime juice. You add a generous portion of gin.

And then you find NO TONIC WATER. None.

You realize that there are other concentric rings of suffering above you, but in yours you have a gin an tonic, with no tonic.

Fortunately, sometimes you then discover that someone has simply put the tonic water on a lower shelf than you expected. This brief taste of an everlastingly incomplete G&T is simply a foretaste of hell: a warning calling you to repentance.

And so you do what any good Catholic does when warned against his many sinful habits: you take your completed gin and tonic over to the couch and read, because while you are there steeped in good prose and mid-shelf gin, you know that you certainly won't have time to commit any sins.


The Pigeon said...

Unless drinking really IS a sin, in which case, you should just stick to tonic water ;-)

Rick Lugari said...

Unless drinking really IS a sin...

Nahh. If Drinking were a sin, Christ wouldn't have made alcohol part of the matter for the Sacrament of the Eucharist, nor would He have changed water into wine at the wedding in Cana. A little known fact of which is that He really wanted to woo everybody by making a nice hearty porter, but His Mother wanted to drink wine so that's what He made.


John Farrell said...

So you inadvertently made a gimlet--what's not to like?


Damien Fisher said...

It would have been a sin
to waste all that good gin.

Is it purgatory when you put tonic in your gin, only to realize that the tonic is flat? You're so close to something really good, but you've made a terrible, terrible mistake that almost ruined everything . .

Darwin said...

I dunno, John. I'm a pretty dogmatic kind of guy -- I'm thinking for a gimlet it's pretty much got to be Rose's Lime Juice rather than the fresh squeezed variety. Perhaps a dash of bitters, but I'm not sure I'm picturing it with fresh lime juice.