Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Friday, August 23, 2013

The Saga of Un-Breakfast

I knew things were getting low in the pantry, but it was okay, because we could eat cheerios for breakfast. But no, the box was gone, and as I stared at the empty shelf I suddenly remembered picking up the empty box in the living room yesterday and vacuuming up a bunch of scattered, crunchy Os. Eating all the breakfast, in the living room even: two strikes already. I summoned everyone and had the obligatory yell about how we don't eat in the living room, you know that, and when you snack on all the breakfast food we don't have breakfast the next day.

But there's leftover cake? Yeah, two pieces among six people? No.

Fine, then, how about toast and jam? The only bread was a loaf of garlic bread.

Well, we could make biscuits. Lo, no butter. And no flour.

Yogurt? We finished it yesterday.

Cottage cheese? The day before.

Eggs? Only three.

Milkshakes? No frozen bananas. No bananas at all. Alright, chocolate milk with protein powder? No sugar, not even scrapings at the bottom of container. No oatmeal. No fruit, fresh or canned.

So, to tide us over until the quickly approaching lunch time, we're eating garlic bread (all the garlic carefully removed) and leftover hummus for breakfast. Eleanor, who finds this disgusting, dug up an old container of grits and is making her own meal, though grits with no butter is pretty dry stuff. And everyone is more or less satisfied except for me, because the state of the foodstuffs here makes me mad and it's my own fault for not keeping track of what we have in the house.

I could keep food in the house if only people would stop eating!


Jenny said...

We had a similar incident on Wednesday night. Since I've been back at work, the shopping has been sporadic because baby isn't ready to go Krogering. My husband called and asked what I wanted for supper. I asked what was available. He said, "Bread, a different kind of bread, and another kind of bread."

The local Mexican joint it was. Then I took the children home while he went shopping.

Meredith said...

This is when living .3 miles from McDonald's is very dangerous for my family!

My husband said, "Why don't you go to Aldi and do a triple stock up for September?"

"I'm too tired to push the cart!" I moaned.

Catholic Bibliophagist said...

And what's wrong with garlic for breakfast? :-)

Eleanor needs to channel her inner Ramirez. I recall when Darwin was little that his friend Mary stayed overnight with us and was shocked that we had burritos for breakfast.

Enbrethiliel said...


Leftover rice fried in garlic is a Philippine breakfast staple! =D But I guess you didn't have rice, either . . .

bearing said...

How amusing. We had the opposite problem this morning, apparently. My nine-year-old flopped on his stomach and said "What do you recommend for breakfast?"

I said, "Well, we have three kinds of oatmeal, also plain. And white or whole wheat English muffins you can toast. There's Shredded Wheat, and enough fruit for a fruit salad or a smoothie. You could have yogurt with honey or jam, or a granola bar, or I could make some bacon and eggs."

He moaned "There's nothing GOOD to eat!" Then he suddenly popped up and asked, "Can I make hardtack?"

One cup of flour, one-third cup of water, one teaspoon of salt, and some molasses later and he was a happy boy.

entropy said...

Pfft. Nothing good to eat. Oh, I'm coming to your house for breakfast, bearing. My house resembles Mrs.D's.

Kristen @ St Monica's Bridge said...

I have to laugh as I have encountered this situation more times than I care to divulge. My problem is not only constantly snacking children but a husband who refuses to stick with the meal plan and who was a chef so sometimes creates things out of the makings of multiple meals therefore rendering said meals incomplete. Take for example, the day he decided to make six eggs for himself for breakfast despite the fact that he almost never eats breakfast which used the last six eggs I had been saving to use in three separate meals...if only people would stop eating creatively here and stick with the program!

Julia said...

Yes, this is my life.

The other day my husband growled about a cereal box in the living room and I said, "Hey -- HE FED HIMSELF. You didn't have to. It's a tradeoff."

Now to make a mental recording of that so I can replay it to myself. Daily.