Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

I lay on my bed and ponder

Folks, it is 2:40 am, and I cannot sleep. There once was a time when I would be awake at 2:40 entirely through my own choice, but those days are long past; now I'm simply old and pregnant. There's no reason Smaskig should be so heavy at 9 1/2 weeks, or that it should already be uncomfortable to sleep on my stomach. Of course, maybe it's because it's TOO DAMN HOT! as Cole Porter would say.

Psalm 4:3 says, "upon your beds ponder in silence" and Psalm 63:7, " When I think of you upon my bed, through the night watches I will recall...." I can't seem to shut my mind down, even though I desperately yearn to get some sleep. What I often do when I'm wide awake at night for whatever reason is reflect on this psalm -- sometimes I'm awake worrying about things; sometimes it's trivial things keeping me up; sometimes (like tonight) I just can't get the sheep together in my head -- if I'm up at night, I try to "ponder" in my bed, meditating on the inscrutable ways of God or offering Him my sleeplessness or praying for whomever passes through my mind. Most of the time I fall asleep shortly; when I don't, I can't complain that my time was wasted.

Off to bed to ponder...

3 comments:

strivingforholiness said...

Been there many times....I usually have to force myself to quit thinking about whatever is bothering me and start praying...it's amazing how that can put me to sleep.
I have had many instances, especially these last few years, that I wake up and I know right away that our Lord wants me to pray for somebody...sometimes I know exactly who it is...sometimes I don't know and then I just start doing a rosary.
Are you still feeling so tired? That would have to make you feel really frustrated if you're tired and you can't sleep...hope you're doing well today. God bless!!!

MrsDarwin said...

Striving,

Thanks, I'm feeling a bit more human. I find that early in pregnancy I feel like I have the flu: no energy at all and an inability to focus or move! Recently I've been pepping up a bit, though of course being queasy slows me down. Eyes on the prize, I guess...

strivingforholiness said...

and the prize makes it all worthwhile...