Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Seen and heard in the checkout line

As I was waiting in the checkout line yesterday, I was idly scanning the tabloids ("Yes! Britney is Pregnant!" "Brad and Angie's Bizarre Baby Name!") when I spotted the cover of Vanity Fair. It was the "Green" issue, whatever that means. And the headlines?

"Julia Roberts, George Clooney, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Al Gore, and the call for a New American Revolution"

"The Threat More Dangerous than Terrorism: Global Warming"

Um, okay, guys. But getting a bunch of intellectual lightweights to spout off about Bush and Iraq isn't really going to spur Joe or Sally Q. Public (read: me in the checkout line) to start raving about a new revolution. Like I feel any solidarity with four filthy rich bozos!

And yeah, I'm really worried about the massive threat of Global Warming! Because Global Warming flies airplanes into buildings and blows up innocent people and hates America. But it must be more dangerous than terrorism, if Vanity Fair tells me it's so!

Shaking the dust of Vanity Fair from my cart wheels, I unloaded my cart and moved forward. The hispanic cashier and the black bagger were discussing the immigration walkouts of the other day, and the bagger was protesting that yeah, he would have walked.

"You would not!" laughed the cashier, tossing her hair.

"I would!" he insisted.

"You would not! You'd be too chicken." The cashier thought a moment. "I wouldn't walk out on school," she opined, "but I'd definitely walk out on work."

The horrendous threat of Global Warming hung over us like the sword of Damocles, and yet these two youngsters were laughing about getting out of work! I almost wished Julia Roberts would show up to make an impassioned plea for a New American Revolution. And everyone in this Texas grocery store would have stared at the odd green dress she wore for the Vanity Fair photo shoot, and then they would have turned away to continue discussing the Longhorns or my squeaking baby. Heck, Britney and Brad are more compelling than the pseudo-intellectuals -- at least they're having kids, which is what normal people worry about.


Anonymous said...

You know, discussing the Vanity Fair article is at the same level as discussing the Longhorns... just an "enlightened" opinion. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm ... I worry about terrorism, global warming, AND having kids ... but then, I've never considered myself "normal" ... :-)

Rick Lugari said...

"Julia Roberts, George Clooney, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Al Gore, and the call for a New American Revolution"

Does that mean can finally try them on treason and sedition?