Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Wisdom from Teddy Kennedy

This one's for Jay: It Is Finally Time to Exit the Oldsmobile.

Iowahawk Guest Commentary by Senator Edward M. Kennedy

Like all Americans, I had high hopes for the future of the Oldsmobile and its passengers, as we struggle against the onrushing water and its poorly-designed shoulder belts. But as claustrophobia sets in we must begin to sober up and face the truth: hope is no longer an option.

It is time for us to recognize that our continued presence in this volatile region is a hinderance to the Oldsmobile and its people. Rather than helping the situation we are further weighing down the Oldsmobile, causing it to sink faster and faster into the quagmire of Chappaquidick Bay, creating a dangerous situation for both ourselves as well as its passengers who are desperately seeking an air pocket in which to start a better life.

That is why I believe we have reached the point where we must take a deep breath and immediately depart the Oldsmobile. We must seek through the watery darkness and release the belt latch of madness that has kept us here, and reach out for a sane and honorable window crank.

Yes, it's Iowahawk, but no language alert this time. Take the whole family!

5 comments:

Jay Anderson said...

You forgot the obligatory Swimmer pic. (NOTE: unlike Rick, I have no moral hangups about hotlinking, so feel free to use any of the ones at Pro Ecclesia.)

Darwin said...

I specifically forbade her to use that image, Jay, because whenever I see it on your blog I experience violent projectile vomiting.

Jay Anderson said...

But it's obligatory, Darwin!

Obligatory, I say!

Darwin said...

Only way I'm clicking those links, Jay, is if you're volunteering to clean out my keyboard afterwards.

Bernard Brandt said...

Actually, all this just reminds me of the truly tasteless mock VW commercial by the then 1970s National Lampoon, with a picture of a VW floating in water, and with the caption:

If Teddy Kennedy had been driving a Volkswagen, Mary Jo Kopeckne would still be alive.