Baby Darwin summoned reporters today to announce that she's decided not to be born.
"I'm comfortable here," she said. "I've got it made. And I get to enjoy everything Mom eats: cookies, cheese, chocolate -- I even had a bit of wine last night!"
A reporter asked her what she would do during Lent, when Mrs. Darwin would be giving up little snacky luxuries such as cookies, and would be trying to eat more austerely. Baby Darwin seemed confused, turning to an aide and demanding to know if this were true. The aide confirmed it.
"Well, this changes my plans. I don't know what's going to happen now," said Baby, and refused to answer any more questions.
Mrs. Darwin reported an upsurge in angry kicks throughout the afternoon.
FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.
2 hours ago
9 comments:
May I suggest the use of a little psychological warfare? My child #2 had apparently decided against being born which worried the doctor because of a medical condition of mine. So she scheduled induced labor for a convenient morning hour. Must have scared child #2 because he came on his own the night before the scheduled date.
I suggest talking loudly about plans to visit the hospital. Repeat words like "oxytocin" in sinster tones, and that baby may be out quicker than you can call the midwife!
(Seriously, good luck -- and we're keeping you in prayer.)
I know some tricks that help inspire baby to get with the program, but modesty prohibits me from informing you of them. Though I'm sure Darwin can figure them out on his own. ;)
Rick,
I'm ashamed that you would even allude to such things to a lady to whom you're not married.
That being said, such methods have thus far not produced the intended result for Sarah and me. Of course, we're still a couple of weeks away from the due date.
I say tomorrow, at 3:00, 8lbs, 1oz....
You poor dear...:(
My brother-in-law once said, JUMPING JACKS.
You can try all the various tricks simultaneously.
But alas, sometimes they don't work and you just have to force the dear child out.
Smaskig will come. Sooner than you might think.
With a bit of luck, the shock of all the privations of Ash Wednesday will be enough to shock her into arriving, right on due date! All the best!
Rick and Jay,
I have absolutely NO IDEA what you're talking about. I can only say that obviously it hasn't worked yet, or baby would already be here.
Ferret,
Well, it's already too late for 3 am, but maybe we'll hit 3 pm. For what it's worth, baby's Grandma has also pegged today as the day, so perhaps it shall be. Keep your fingers crossed.
Loved this post ... will anxiously await further reports from Baby Darwin about the privations of Lent.
This post is hilarious! I hope you get a nice First Friday gift from Baby Darwin.
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