Because most philosophies that frown on reproduction don't survive.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Sad History of my Chocolate Bar

Oh readers, I am going to recount to you a tale so full of woe that I know you will be weeping at your monitors as you ponder my great misfortune.

On Friday evening, I was given a Chocolate Bar as a belated birthday present. It was a Ghiradelli Mint Chocolate Bar, pristine, wrapped, beautiful. I delighted in this Chocolate Bar! I treasured it! I saved it for the time when I ran out of the Chocolate Squares I was also given that night. I placed it on a high shelf in the pantry, and waited.

Sunday night I considered having my Chocolate Bar, but Darwin was not ready to indulge at that late hour. So I decided to hold off until we could share it, because I love my husband just that much.

Monday afternoon I came down the stairs to find that my girls had pulled up a chair, unlatched the pantry (again) and pulled out the mexican hot chocolate to eat. Mexican hot chocolate, for those of you unfamiliar, comes in tablets made up of eight wedges. You heat the milk and pour it in the blender, then add two wedges for each cup of milk. It's good. Well, I found the mexican chocolate on a plate on the table, Babs washing her hands, and Noogs scaling a bookshelf to get a toy. I scolded them, set them up to play, and then, inspired by the mexican chocolate, decided to have a bite of my very own Chocolate Bar. And it was gone! Gone! Gone!

Noogs fervently denied moving it at all, and Babs was no help at all. There were no traces of mint chocolate about them, no wrapper anywhere, no smell of mint around. For a brief moment I wondered if Darwin had taken it to work, but I quickly dismissed that thought, because Darwin loves me and would never take my Chocolate Bar without asking permission.

I turned the kitchen upside down. I looked in all the girls' favorite hiding places. I searched under the couch -- no mean feat for someone who's eight months pregnant. I took up and replaced all the items on the pantry shelf. No Chocolate Bar. I even opened up the oven and checked inside, on the off chance that some enterprising young tooglet had stashed it in there. But it's unlike the girls to hide away food. They usually eat it right away and then look guilty if I catch them. Babs in particular, when she knows she's done something naughty, will hide her eyes and refuse to look up for the longest time. It's cute, kinda.

When Darwin came home he searched as well. Readers, we cannot find my Chocolate Bar anywhere in the house! How does a Chocolate Bar simply go missing, with no traces? I wanted that Chocolate! I could taste it! But alas, IT IS GONE. There will be No Chocolate for Mrs. Darwin, and I did so look forward to it.

Sob.

16 comments:

Julie D. said...

I feel your pain!

Though this story did put me in mind of Shirley Jackson's story about when her entire family had the flu and how they wound up a lost blanket (in Life Among the Savages) ... hilarious if you haven't read it.

Rick Lugari said...

My guess is that since chocolate is dangerous to a pregnant woman and her baby, your loving husband disposed of the dangerous matter.

What a guy!

Pro Ecclesia said...

My hunch, like Rick's, is that your beloved Darwin ate it.

Sarah's still angry at me for drinking her Diet Dr. Pepper the other night.

mrsdarwin said...

Hey, I'm with Sarah. You spend all day carrying around a baby, and you look forward to a little treat, and then it's gone just like that. Shameful!

But I must stand up for Darwin. He wouldn't eat my chocolate and not tell me. He also has much less of a sweet tooth than I do, so he's not necessarily tempted that way. Now if I had a beer sitting around, it might not be safe...

Darwin said...

Well, despite these base accusations, I would have you all know that not only did I not take it, but on my lunch break I went out and bought her a new one and ran it by the house. Because that's the kind of husband I am...

;-)

Anonymous said...

Yeah for Darwin!!
I must admit I was tempted to buy a new one and mail it to her myself after reading that sad story....

Anonymous said...

(and then I would have had an excuse to buy one for myself...hehe)

Rick Lugari said...

Wow Darwin...

I don't know what to say.

One of the many drawbacks of getting old is that you feel really immature making the "whipppehhh" sound. So I will remain at a loss of words.

mrsdarwin said...

Well, Rick, maybe that's why you have to resort to mistletoe and Darwin doesn't...

Mee-yow!

Anonymous said...

One Christmas I got a huge box of GOOD chocolates and put them on my nightstand. When I went to my room later to eat a few (a lot), I found my dog sitting on my bed with the box in front of him and not one single piece left!

So, did you ask the cats?

Rick Lugari said...

Hah...shows how much you know! I can't even score a kiss from the Mrs. with mistletoe. ;)

Nevertheless, Darwin should know better than to publish such things. I mean, sure it's nice to have all the chicks go, "awww, I wish he were my husband yada yada yada", but what good does that do a guy? Nada, nothing, zip.

The fact is they're not married to ya, nor are they ever going to be, yet the guys are always going to be around and they will always be guys...

And not all them are going to be as understanding as I am and mature enough to refrain from ridiculing the poor guy.

Darwin said...

Well, luckily I know some really mature guys like you, Rick, who never take these things the wrong way.

And for the rest of them, I can always respond to their taunts with, "Yo mamma!"

Rick Lugari said...

LOL

Foxfier said...

*cheers for Mr. D*

*is happy because her guy would do the same-- if he could figure out where such chocolate were sold*

Kiwi Nomad said...

Personally I think your girls are the culprits and that they have something in common with my young niece: the ability to do things with stealth and style. She had a very favourite DVD that came from the public library. When it came time for it to be returned, it was nowhere to be found. Her mother searched high and low. Payment for a replacement had to be made to the library. Niece then reappears with her favourite DVD. At 3, now that is style! Her mother still has absolutely no idea where she can have hidden it!

Jeff Tan said...

My sister Rose used to get up at night, still asleep but somehow doing this, get herself a small candy and pop it into her mouth before going back to bed. My father saw this happen a few times. I only saw it happen once when I was very young, and Papa told me not to wake her.

So perhaps the culprit was actually... Mrs. Darwin, sleep-eating! ;-)